21 Cops Reveal The Strangest Reasons They’ve Had To Arrest Someone

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Cops — love em or hate em — have a pretty tough job. They have to deal with drunk psychopaths, domestic abusers, and white supremacists on the daily now because… America. It’s literally the last job I would ever want to do partly because I’m really bad at holding people accountable, I’m scared of guns, and because blue isn’t really my color. But I digress.

Someone has to do it. And yes, some days are more boring than others. One day they might find themselves breaking up “lit” highs school parties or working security at cycling races — but other days, sh*t gets f*cking real. I’m talking about those arrests that highlight the wackiest, most disgusting, and downright crazy in the world. I’m talking about the dude who gets arrested (for the third time, mind you) for having sex with a dead dear on the side of the road. I’m talking about the woman who was arrested for breastfeeding a litter of puppies. I sh*t you not.

So while there are definitely crooked and terrible cops out there, I’d like to think that the majority of our serving men and women in the police force aren’t total f*ck-ups and that most are truly looking out for us. If the po’ po’ can take one more disgruntled and public masturbator off the streets, then I’m going to let them. Shouts out to all the cops who keep it real and make sure no crazy ladies get away with breastfeeding puppies.

These are 21 of the most insane reasons cops have arrested someone:


My father once had to arrest a 70 year old man who was attempting to drive his granddaughter’s toy jeep on the highway, naked. He wasn’t senile.


My dad was on Worlds Dumbest Criminals. He arrested a guy who kept checking out books at the library, then shitting in them and returning them.


My sister’s dad had to arrest a woman in her late 40s on a bus for rubbing her cleavage on a five year old girl’s face. When the cops came to arrest her, she started screaming that it was a “voodoo ritual” and that if she didn’t do it, the “demons of hell” would grab her and pull her under. They did a drug test and she came up positive for both meth and heroin.


I know a cop who had to arrest someone for public masturbation at a truck stop back in the 90’s. The man was doing it while looking at a Hot Cops magazine.


I was the manager of the city pool. Had to call the cops to arrest a man for “forcefully baptizing” all the kids in the pool. I cleared the pool, but he wouldn’t get out of the shallow end. The cops finally got into the pool, so he swam to the deep end. Cops figured he’d get tired eventually. In the end it was uneventful but the standoff was kinda strange.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.