21 Crazy Euphemisms For Masturbation That Will Make LOL

Jacking off, getting off, flicking the bean, having sex with your one true love — no matter the name of the game; masturbation is the best thing ever. There’s a reason we evolved so that our hands reach perfectly down to our nether regions.

Getting yourself off is one of life’s truest and simplest pleasures. Having a bad day? Masturbate! Having a good day? Masturbate! Feeling horny and alone and like your life is spiraling into an existential crisis of doom and despair? MASTURBATE! No seriously, that sh*t sends dopamine to your brain so you feel happier and more relaxed!

Whether you’re single and doing it out of necessity or you’re merely doing it because you love it and think your d*ck or vajay are rockstars that deserve worshiping, there’s one thing for sure — orgasms make the world go round. And who knows how to get you off better than your own hand!

These are 21 of the most hilarious and ridiculous euphemisms for masturbation:






Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.