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21 Married Couples Confess What Their Wedding Night Was Really Like

17.

We got hammered and fucked in the jacuzzi. Our candles were battery powered but I still managed to light one on fire. Then I learned why you should never jizz in a Jacuzzi. it kinda… disperses in the water and sticks to everything.

18.

We got married barefoot on the beach in the Bahamas with no one around, took our wedding photos as it started to rain. After dinner we had lazy sex in our suite that overlooked the beach, and then had our butler bring us pizza and cheesecake. My wedding day was f*cking fabulous.

19.

Terrible. I had a super bad flu. We did the deed because we felt it was necessary. It was hot and awful. I went to the hospital the next day.

20.

I got a little too drunk on my wedding night. My wife & I finally get into bed, & we both agree it’s not going to happen. So off to sleep I go. Well, my flesh wasn’t willing, but the spirit sure was. You see, I suffer from a condition called Sexsomnia. Basically, I sleep fuck. I tend to fondle my wife in my sleep. The poor thing has gotten used to it, usually giving me a pinch to stop me. Well, that night she didn’t realise my condition was acting up. She thought I had sobered up and wanted to consummate the marriage. So it happens and away we go. And I woke up halfway through. I was so confused! And seeing my reaction, my wife figured out what had happened. We had a laugh about it, and since we had started we decided to finish it.

21.

Eloped without telling anyone and got married in the basement of the courthouse in Harrison, AR. Went home, wife went to her overnight job while I laid on the couch and watched tv.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.