21 People Got Exactly What They Wanted for Their Birthday

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Ah, another year around the sun. Birthday celebrations are all about you, a whole 24 hours dedicated to when you graced the world with your presence. Friends, family, and complete strangers must now submit to showering you with all the compliments, presents, booze, and most importantly, all the partying that you can handle.

When it's your birthday, you better be able to handle a sh*t ton of debauchery because that's what YOUR day is for. There better be birthday cake, endless amounts of shots from new friends at bars, making out with randoms, and birthday sex. The epitome of adult birthdays is ending the night with a drunken romp in bed, of course.

And if you don't end the night with a roll in the hay, you better have made the night worth it. There should be blow-up dolls, endless amounts of jell-o shots, and a million text messages that you wake up to asking if it was all worth it, since you've probably lost all inhibitions and got everything you wanted. That is, after all, what it really comes down to: making sure you survive the ridiculous antics on your birthday to make it to another year.

These 21 people got exactly what they wanted for their birthday:


(248): she starting give me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said “I'm the birthday girl”, and kept on doing what she was doing.


(226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon


(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.


(609): Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn….and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty Best birthday yet.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.