entertainment

These 23 Disappointing Guys Felt Ashamed After Jacking Off

9.

A couple of nuclear generating stations that sort of looked like boobs.

10.

Last year on my ex girlfriend’s birthday I decided to rip it and grip it to an old voice mail she had left me of her singing the Moon song by Karen O. I decided to add to the realism of it by dimming the lights and dawning a condom for my little hard working helmet man. After a brief and unsatisfying finish I had a quick cry followed by a nap. When I woke up I knew it was time to move on.

11.

At the old Giants stadium during a Jets/Giants game. Upper deck. Nobody was really there. I was 13.

12.

There was a dude at a theatre I managed for a while who had gone into a kid’s movie and started beating it in the back row. Apparently no one noticed until he finished. Upon completion his load traveled like a heat seeking missile and found the cheek of a mother who was with her husband and two kids. Apparently it was just the right consistency to grab on, stretch out and wrap around to her face when it hit. The guy high tailed it out the nearest emergency exit and I didn’t hear about it until the lady and her husband came to complain about it. Of course there was not much I could do at that point.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.