The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral


My grandma died before my grandpa. Since my grandpa was a navy veteran (WWII and Pearl Harbor survivor), he got a free plot in a military cemetery. At this cemetery, they stack married couples one on top of the other. So, we are at the cemetery, and they are lowering my grandma down, and my grandpa asks, “so, if I had died first, they would have put me in first and put her on top of me?” The cemetery worker said, “yep.” My grandpa responded, “huh. We never tried it that way before.”


When I was 7, my dad killed himself. I was asked if I wanted to attend the funeral and what a funeral is (its not a party, etc). I said I wanted to go to say goodbye to him. His mum and dad, my grandparents, took my mum to court because they didn’t want me there. They said that they wouldn’t go if I went.


My grandmother and my great aunt were super close; they did everything together. My great aunt died in a fairly routine surgery, and it was sort of the first look we got at my grandmother’s debilitating dementia. Like somehow her sister and law kept her grounded, but with her dead, my grandmother went totally off the deep end. More or less immediately. At the wake she constantly complained about how bored she was, and about how my great aunt was so fat she had it coming (debatable). Eventually she kicked off her shoes and sang and danced around the funeral home, saying we were being no fun. She gave everyone who came to pay their respects a hard time. The worst of which was some little old man I’d never seen before. She was like “Are you the one whose sled I stole when we were kids and you went running home crying to your mommy?” She wasn’t joking, she was being a dick. It was. That poor old man. Eventually we took shifts taking her outside for cigarettes so she wouldn’t disrupt things further.


Aunt passed away. Me and my younger brother are sitting towards the back listening to one of the guys tell stories to everyone about her when he gets to a part that I will never forget. He tells a story about how after she was placed in an old folks home she “escaped” and they couldn’t find her for like 2 hours. As he is telling this story and everyone is having a nice laugh he says “I wish she would send us a sign letting us know how much she loved us”…suddenly my younger brothers phone goes off. The song it was set to? “America Fuck Ya” but the part where it just starts singing “AMERRRRRICA, FUCK YA!” The entire church looks at us and as I am trying to hold back my laughs my little brother says “Its a sign from Aunt Francese, she says thank you”. I was laughing so hard that I had to excuse myself from the room.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of