Valentine’s Day is an annoying day reserved for annoying people in annoying relationships to canoodle, gaze into their lover’s eyes, whisper sickeningly sweet nothings into each other’s ears, and f*ck each other’s genitals into wonderful oblivion. Oh yeah, and it’s a day to show the person you love how much they mean to you. But like, get a mother f*cking room and stop making out right in front of me, ugh. I’m not bitter, YOU’RE bitter.
For single people on V-Day, you might find them gazing into a liter of wine (that they’re chugging straight from the bottle of course) as they whisper sweet nothings at their favorite vibrator. ***May also be seen using their drunk and desperate tears for lube***
Okay, okay — so Valentine’s Day isn’t THAT bad, but for some, the crippling fear of loneliness and an impending life of cats, singledom, and first dates is reason enough to get drunk AF and forget that the day ever happened. Buck up, though. Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is just a corporate holiday created by slimy suits to make us spend an exorbitant amount of money and feel bad about ourselves.
