lifestyle

23 People Confess The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Their Butt

12.

One time I had diarrhea so bad that I ran out of poop to poop, so was basically dry heaving bloody mucus out of my butt. It was a bad time.

13.

I have low blood pressure and an inner ear problem, so I occasionally succumb to syncopal episodes. The first one I ever had was when I was sixteen. I woke up the morning in such a haze, and standing up almost guaranteed immediate blurry vision and rushing water sounds. I went to poop that morning, and felt like diarrhea… Except it wasn’t, turned out I pooped blood. A lot of blood. Went to the hospital, they said they didn’t know what that was about/it must have been a crazy ass hemorrhoid that burst. But that sure was a scary poop, because I had fainted for the first time the night before, I was convinced I had some terminal illness.

14.

I was riding a mountain bike in the woods at night. Going around a bend in the trail, I caught my pedal on a tree root. This crashes the mountain bike. During the crash, the tip of my saddle made sweet, sweet love to my b-hole. I was wearing baggy shorts and cycling shorts, so it was kind of a major trauma. I was bleeding and rather short of breath. It was a pretty epic crash. A couple days later I went to the doctor to get it checked out (my regular physician on his next office day). I had a hard time explaining to him why I was in the woods on a Friday night and now I have two skinned knees and a bleeding asshole. We got a good laugh out of it at least.

15.

One night in college my friends and I all got back to the house from the bar. One of my friends passed out with his mouth open and was snoring really loud. I drunkenly thought it would be funny to put my bare ass cheek in his mouth and take a picture. Somehow he woke up, freaked out, and literally took a good bite out of my ass. We don’t talk about that day much.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.