lifestyle

23 People Confess The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Their Butt

20.

Ejected from a car and my femur broke off and came out my ass.

21.

I broke a desk once (I’m fat) sitting on it, I was so embarrassed. It happened at work. Well one day, I was getting ready for work and my wife saw me putting on my undies, from the sunny side. Apparently, the fall to the ground, bruised the area between my asshole and my tailbone in a perfect circle. She nearly screamed and asked if I had been raped. I was so ashamed of being fat and breaking the desk, I didn’t tell her what had really happened, but assured her that I was not sexually assaulted.

22.

Cactus. Twice. I accidentally backed into one when I was little and fell really hard onto one earlier this year. I lost my footing on a big rock when I was hiking and went down it like a slide with a massive cluster of cacti at the bottom. Good times. The barbs grabbing your flesh when you try to pull them out are also fun.

23.

Mid-BJ, she asks if I’ve ever had someone pop a finger in. I hadn’t at the time and she offers to do so. Thinking “Hey, why not? It might be alright” I let her slide a finger in. Then I realized, the hard way, she had very, very long nails. Made me feel a great deal of sympathy for girls that get with guys that don’t keep their nails short.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.