Relationships

23 People Did Weird Things That Ruined The Mood During Sex

11.

My girlfriend told me to close my eyes, she had a surprise. Next thing I know a condom is being slipped on, then a cold liquid feeling, then an intense burning. She had poured Coca-Cola into the condom and then tried to put it on. Know how Coke can clean battery terminals and dissolve pennies? Yeah, feels real good on the pee hole. I have no idea where she came up with that very poor idea.

12.

She went to whip her hair around all sexy-like, but instead she head-butted me at full force and knocked me off of her. I fell backwards off the bed and into her closet door, which made her parents concerned, and they started to run up the stairs to figure out what the hell happened. We were both scrambling to cover ourselves up while still dizzy from the impact. It was like a very un-sexy time-limited game of “pin-the-clothes-back-on-the-teens-before-dad-makes-it-up-the-stairs.”

13.

With no warning whatsoever, she slipped into a baby-talk high-pitched voice and tried to start a sort of role-play where she was a little girl and I was supposed to be molesting her. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

14.

He got up to go to the bathroom and left a skid mark on the sheets.

15.

My wife has a weak speech filter and a wandering mind. If she thinks about anything, there’s around a 30% chance she’ll just say it. Doesn’t matter what it is. So we’re going at it and, out of nowhere, she asks me “do you think [the cat]’s feeling better? I gave her her medicine in her food today but she hasn’t had much energy.” And I know it sounds like she’s just bored out of her mind, but she does this even on the brink of orgasm.

16.

My ex girlfriend looked me straight in the eyes and said “I love you” in an Elmo voice. We messed with each other all the time like that, but I cracked up and couldn’t stop laughing. It ruined the mood but it’s still a pretty good memory!

17.

I’m really into dirty talk, and I asked my partner to talk dirty to me. We hadn’t been seeing each other all that long, so this was the first time is made that request, at least from her. So she starts, and damn, she’s really fucking good at it. I start getting close, so I let her know like the responsible guy I am, and she says, “Mix me with your baby batter”. I about lost my mind laughing, she seemed kind of embarrassed because she didn’t say that as joke, she was feeling really sexy and that’s what came to her.

18.

I had someone ask me for permission to give me oral, then kissed me and pushed their gum into my mouth b/c they didn’t need it anymore. The sensation was unexpected and arresting, what in the actual f*ck, is what I may have said and it killed it for both of us. Oral presentation turned into an argument of awkward glances.

19.

She heard squeezing her fist would help her go deeper on a blowjob, so she squeezed as hard as she could. With my dick in that hand. Did not go in any deeper, and did not feel good. 0/10, would not recommend.

20.

I had an FWB over and before we got going we had some idle chat where she asked me how my day was. I briefly started talking about some work I was doing for my grandma and the FWB just jumped on me. So conversation over, I’m rip-roaring and ready to go and as I’m starting to get into things she randomly says “you didn’t finish telling me about your day.” So I’m like, really? Right now? But she insists. Now I’m starting to think about my grandma so I say “maybe later” but she’s super insistent. So reluctantly I say “…well I was at my grandma’s house…” Mood killed. Then she asks what’s wrong with my guy and I tell her “I have trouble keeping an erection while talking about my grandma.”

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.