Flying on an airplane is hard enough as a lowly coach passenger — with all of the annoying kids kicking and screaming, the less than desirable food and expensive drink options, and the endless waiting to board, take off, and wait for the lavatory. But have you ever stopped to wonder about the men and women who (try to) keep everything running smoothly while 35,000 feet up in the sky? I’m talking about the often overlooked flight attendants of the world.
They’re the people who have to herd the restless cattle and make sure everyone remains safe and calm and happy. They put up with some of the worst bullsh*t you can imagine, and have to keep a gahd-damn smile on their face whenever that creepy dude tugs on their sleeve or propositions them for a date.
They’re the ones who have to clean up the puke from that drunk a**hole in row 27 after too many carry-on bottles of Jager were consumed. They’re the ones who watch that woman do yoga in the aisle and roll their eyes at the man who’s clipping his toe nails while sprawled out across an entire row of seats.
Flying causes stress for everyone, but can we just make it a point to not be entitled jerks the next time we board a plane? The flight attendants will gladly thank us — and then go talk sh*t about the drunk woman who took one too many Xanies and started jerking her husband off under a blanket.
These are 23 of the most obnoxious passengers according to flight attendants.
1.
Once saw a lady get out of her seat on a 50 min flight while the seat belt sign was still on and do a full 20 min yoga routine. She was also completely barefoot.
2.
I was doing a back of the clock shift last week and we each take it in turns to have a crew nap in row 30 so we can last through the night. I’d finally managed to fall asleep during mine when a man started tapping my shoulders saying “excuse me,” so I sat up and asked if he was okay assuming it must’ve been something urgent and he said “just thought I should make you do some work for your money, I’d like a sauvignon blanc please.”
3.
I was doing a back of the clock shift last week and we each take it in turns to have a crew nap in row 30 so we can last through the night. I’d finally managed to fall asleep during mine when a man started tapping my shoulders saying “excuse me,” so I sat up and asked if he was okay assuming it must’ve been something urgent and he said “just thought I should make you do some work for your money, I’d like a sauvignon blanc please.”
4.
There was a family that was understandably upset because we had to do a plane switch, which meant that their seat reservations were suddenly reset – this happens because it’s a new plane configuration and flight attendants do not know until they board, or just before. So the matriarch is trying to arrange it, but none of her children or her husband nor her father want the seats she feels like assigning. She’s walking up and down the aisle continuously DURING boarding and against everyone else while making a big fuss to the flight attendants. Finally, after everyone is settled, she asks me to go to her husband several rows up and bring her purse back because she left it there. Her husband asks me for a favor and says, “When you bring this to her, can you tell her a joke? Tell her she’s high maintenance! She’ll love that!” I decided to just present her purse.
5.
One woman was a nervous flyer and claimed it was her 39th birthday. She managed to buy herself a drink from at least every flight attendant, even after a few of us cottoned on not to serve her too much. Within the first couple hours she must have downed five drinks between the flight attendants and her audacity to try to find the pilot for free birthday drinks. She’s so drunk she comes to the back in her giddiness to chat with the flight attendants and when offered a cookie, she force fed it to another passenger that happened to be standing there. Her two children traveling with her were perfect angels.
Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
