25 Of The Douchiest Things You Can Do At An Airport

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Unless you’re part of a rich and famous lifestyle that has private jets and first class for days, you’re probably used to getting sh*t on continuously while traveling by plane. Airports have a cruel way of bringing out the absolute worst in people — you’re tired, delayed, hungry, and that same stale air has probably been circulating for the last two decades at least. Not to mention, drinks at the airport are hella overpriced.

After you’ve purchased your $10 Stella or $17 Bloody Mary from the sports bar across from your gate, you still have to wade through all of the bullsh*t that is American air travel. Whether it’s that annoying guy who’s standing WAY too close to you while going through security, or that b*tch who’s clipping her toenails sprawled across a row of seats on a plane (why tho?) — getting to your destination has never been more irritating.

As far as douchey passengers go, you can’t get much worse than the gaggle of girls blocking the entire moving walkway while taking duck face selfies as you trip by them. They don’t bat an eye because why would they? F*ck you, right?! And don’t even get me started on the people who feel mercilessly entitled to both armrests. GTFO of here with that. If you want to be a productive member of society, don’t be an a**hole at the airport. Everyone is stressed and everyone is trying to get somewhere — so drink a $16 vodka tonic (or four), chill out, and please don’t have unnecessarily loud phone conversations in confined public spaces.

If you do any of these 25 things at the airport, you are a total douche:


Overheard a woman complaining about wheel chairs boarding first and how entitled they are. It was so out there you had to laugh.


From a military point of view, wearing the uniform when not traveling on orders. It’s screams not only “I’m a douchebag” but also “I need attention and validation from strangers.”


Immediately claiming both armrests with your elbows. If you’re in the aisle, the least you could do for the poor sap in the middle is leave the armrest open.d


Taking up multiple seats at a crowded seating area.


Probably the unnecessarily loud phone conversation. Add a bit more “douche-y-ness” with that same call being on speaker.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.