Being insufferably awkward is a way of life for some people. Social cues are harder to pick up on, you might stumble through the day making uncomfortable eye contact and giving weird one-liners to strangers, and dating is an absolute f*cking disaster. I mean, your idea of flirting basically just entails you going over a list of your dog’s morning routine while accidentally poking yourself in the face with a straw. He didn’t call for a second date.
Now, being awkward is one thing, but finding yourself in a horrendously awkward situation takes the sh*t storm of anxiety to a whole new level. I’m talking about the time you got piss drunk, decided to look up your crush on Facebook, but instead, just made their name your status. Good luck coming back from that one, dude!
So whether you walk in on your parents boinking and you make eye contact with your dad while he’s elbow deep in your mom, or you uproariously fart in your Uber ride — you can find solace in the fact that there’s someone out there who’s in a way more awkward situation than you are. Unless, of course, you’re Ryan Seacrest who tried to high five a blind dude. You, sir, are legend.
These 25 people found themselves in some of the most awkward situations imaginable:
1.
My sister asked for a divorce from her second husband on my first date with one of her husband’s friends. We were on a double date at a nice restaurant. They had been testy all night and I was looking for an excuse to end it early, but in the middle of dinner my sister starts angrily whisper shouting at her husband about how he was using again and she didn’t want to catch an STD. He said she needed to be fucking him to get an STD. I tried to be a mediator and get them to calm down and save it for the privacy of their home, but they were not really listening. The friend was just laughing the entire time, not paying any attention to me or trying to calm the husband down. The second the bill came I was gone.
2.
In my high school Spanish class I was called to the front for a demonstration about how Hispanic culture has different ideas of personal space. My teacher stood facing me and really close to me. I was like….okay what am I supposed to do? FOR WHATEVER REASON I’m like okay….it’s the kiss on the cheek greeting thing. Which is European but I was in front of like 20+ people and that was enough anxiety. So I lean in to do the kiss on each cheek and my teacher leans away looking horrified and everyone is just staring at me with their mouths open. I tried to pass it off as a joke. It still haunts me.
3.
Probably when my mom got so pissed that the mall bathroom line was going slow, she started yelling stuff like, “Come on ladies hurry UP!” “How long does it take to do a dump??” then when she went into the stall she started counting and when she came out she said, “25 SECONDS TO TAKE A PISS, IS IT THAT HARD?” All the other ladies in there looked so confused and annoyed. It was hard to pretend like I wasn’t her daughter at that time. there are plenty more of embarrassing and awkward situations that include my mother doing stuff like that in public with me and my sister around.
4.
My much younger step cousin flirting with me even after he has met my SO.
5.
Walking in on my dad banging my mom and then an hour later walking in on my girlfriend banging her ex.
Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
