These 25 Pets Are Dicks

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Pets are the best of friends, no matter what critter. They’re always there to listen to your problems without judgment (unlike those stupid humans that always give their opinion on anything), they really great at cuddling, and always make you smile.

WRONG. Animals are annoyingly cute but they can be quite the terror when they’re not getting their way or aren’t being watched. I have thankfully hit the jackpot and my cat, Lucille, is the best animal I’ve ever had the privilege to call mine. She runs around the neighborhood, hangs out on the neighbor’s porch, and comes home to eat whenever she feels like. Some times we’ll cuddle for like, five minutes tops, and then we go about our merry ways.

A majority of animals need some training and can be complete nightmares even after years down the line. That’s just how they are and you’ve got to accept their faults and go along with it. Let’s face it, they’re probably not going to change and you’re going to keep living with ’em. They’re lucky because they’re so damn cute.

These 25 pets are complete dicks to their owners:


My cat decided to climb up a 50ft tree only to then realise it couldn’t get down. Fire-brigade got called, ladders were set up and my dad tried to get him down. Coco then unleashed an unrelenting stream of sh*t and piss onto my dad as he was climbing the ladder to get him down.


I had a really goofy doberman-lab cross who once snuck up behind a friend of mine, grabbed his sandwich and took off with her a** low to the ground the way dogs do when they’re excited. Lettuce was flying everywhere. She tore down the hallway and reversed direction, returned to the living room and adopted that play pose where she’s kind of half laying down. She shook her head back and forth spraying chunks of sandwich everywhere. Meanwhile, my cocker spaniel was hoovering up all the pieces of food. My friend was pissed and said, “What a b*tch! She didn’t even want to eat it!”


My cat had a thing for climbing into our fake Christmas tree. We got tired of it and put tin foil under the tree skirt, we heard it worked for some people and figured we’d try it. It did work, the cat refused to step foot into the tree skirt and subsequently climb the tree. But the little bastard climbed the cat tower and poised himself on top, ready to pounce. We watched from the sofa as he launched himself into the air, and landed IN the tree. The whole tree fell as one of the legs holding it up snapped. The whole thing came crashing to the ground. The cat crawled out of the wreckage, fur all in a mess and looked back with a smirk as if to say, “F*ck you, I’m getting in that tree.”


I was having friends over and we were all eating finger food like garlic bread, cocktail sausages and the like. My friend dropped a cocktail sausage on the ground and I told him just to let the dog have it and point it out to her. He calls her over and points to where it is. She reached up and took a piece of garlic bread out of his hand, ate it, then proceeded to eat the cocktail sausage off the floor.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.