entertainment

These 25 Pets Are Dicks

13.

While struggling to bring in all the groceries in one trip I left the front door wide open. I thought it would be no big deal because my dog was occupied greeting the rest of the family that had just returned from the store. I set everything down in the kitchen then went to close the door. Standing just on the edge of the doorway, my dog was giving me the biggest shit-eating grin a dog is capable of. “Don’t do it,” I plead. “F*ck you,” her eyes seem to say. Then she took off and I spent the next 15 minutes trying to corral a small manic animal.

14.

I had 2 hamsters. One day i woke up, and saw the scene: one of them was stuck between the running wheel and the cage floor, flat crushed, while the other was running on it. That sick bastard…

15.

On the few days I get to sleep in, if my cat decides his breakfast is too late he has learned to wake me up for it. Early on, I apparently learned to sleep through his MRROOOWs by the bedside; as time went by, I learned to roll over & ignore him when he’d bat at me with his paws. So he’s learned to get me up the one way I can’t sleep through: he’ll take a single claw & drag it very gently over my eyelid. It doesn’t hurt at all, but I’m hard-pressed to think of a more peculiar feeling.

16.

Everytime we try to convince the dog to come take a bath, he lies on his back and rolls around while spewing great streams of piss everywhere.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.