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These 25 Pets Are Dicks

17.

My a**hole Jack Russell ate €100, left it on the kitchen table for 2 seconds, turned my back and he had jumped up, nabbed it and sprinted out the back with it in his mouth, by the time I realised it was gone he had swallowed it. It’s not redeemable as legal tender when it comes out btw, I checked…

18.

My pet rabbit, Ruby, end of story. Ruby is a b*tch and she’s lucky she’s so cute. We seem to have come to an understanding for the moment, but here are some of the highlights: Tore apart my blanket, chewed a hole in my pillow, and destroyed one of my favourite pairs of jeans PEED ON MY BED. WHILE I WAS SLEEPING IN IT. That fluffy little thing can hold a metric f*ckton of water. Frequently sticks her bum outside her litter box when she goes pee. Pristine hardwood floor now in not so good shape.

19.

Thanksgiving dinner this year. I have a white Boxer named Stanley. My girlfriend and I were sneaking off from the big family dinner to do the deed. We walk into my house (my parents live across the street) to discover a massacre. Stanley had grabbed a brand new bag of flour off the counter and ran around the house with it. Everything was white. Everything was covered in flour. Not just the kitchen…it seems like he ripped a hole in it, and then ran around the house with the bag. The worst part is, he’s so stupid that he is completely oblivious to any wrongdoing. He was standing at the door, wagging his little nub, looking quite pleased! I was just blown away by the scope of the destruction. Still banged out tho.

20.

Casually walking my dog on the beach, normal day… leash gets snug… I look back and my dog is bent over on a family’s towel (mind you they’re sitting there with kids) taking a MASSIVE sh*t. So my first instinct is pull my dog away and the shit is half way out of his ass so he’s like “Fine.” Stops and kicks sand back at the family. My dog is a d*ck.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.