entertainment

25 Waiters Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing They’ve Overheard At Tables

6.

Older couple at Bob Evans. “I just wish I could die already.” “I know dear.”

7.

When I was a waiter, people often pretended that I wasn’t there. The stories they told were crazy and personal. One woman at a table of 6 lunching ladies told the story of how her husband was recently prescribed viagra. “He took it like a vitamin – 1 pill every morning. He kept having erections at work and didn’t understand why.”

8.

I overheard a guy on a date, at the table next to ours, trying to impress the girl by saying that he loved swing dancing, and that maybe they should check out that “Swinging Richards” place sometime. Their waitress was in earshot and quickly explained to him that Swinging Richards was not that kind of dance club… (It’s of the male nudity variety).

9.

A couple use to come into my work, probably mid 50’s, they would request to sit somewhere private so she could proceed to jerk him off under the table and have him cum in a glass. We obviously didn’t allow this (nor realize it) until we actually saw the glass. They were already gone by then. The next time they came in we didn’t realize it as them and got hit again. Finally the third time we knew, sat them in the bar area where your pretty much on a display for 50-300 people. They requested to sit somewhere more private and we point blank told them absolutely not, they stopped returning after that.

10.

I was bussing this table and I can hear these two guys speaking in Vietnamese to each other. One asks the other what they think about me. The guy responds and said I’m cute but I have a flat chest. Also in my defense we had to wear these oversized unisex shirts that was not flattering. But anyways, I just keep doing what I’m doing and continue on. When they came to the register to pay one asked me what nationality I was and I smiled and said I’m Vietnamese . They looked shocked; then asked me if I spoke it, which I responded I did. Then he asked me in Vietnamese if I’m understanding him right now and I responded back in viet that yes I do. They didn’t say anything else and left.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.