entertainment

25 Waiters Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing They’ve Overheard At Tables

16.

Ex waiter. I’m walking down a long hallway carrying a tray of food. A kid comes running from an perpendicular hallway and run face first into the wall without putting his hands up. He starts crying. The dad walks behind him very calmly and kneels down and says,”Buddy, you just can’t go running into walls.” I muffled my immediate laugh with my hand. It brought tears to my eyes.

17.

“I like my women like I like my whiskey. 15 years old with just a little bit of coke,” 2 random dudes at the bar. “I’m not saying you can’t date him, I just don’t want you fucking some negro in my house,” Dad talking to his daughter with the rest of the family present. And I had a table of nurses who were describing in detail a penectomy they had to perform on an 85-year-old man.

18.

I once had to wait on a table where the mother and father were trying to calmly explain that they were getting a divorce to their 8-10 year old son. They started the conversation before the appetizers even hit the table, crying by the time the entrees came, and still stayed for dessert. The little boy kept asking if he did anything wrong. So uncomfortable.

19.

I used to work at a nice bar in a really nice part of town, so a bunch of stories there. I was propositioned by a woman and her husband definitely old enough to by my parents, more than once. One table had two couples negotiating a swingers contract. Overheard a couple discussing pricing for the evening (which wasn’t surprising, she was stunning and he was about 40 years older than her).

20.

The worst is waiting on a table where you just know some kind of abuse is regularly occurring. I listened to this 20-something guy tell his girlfriend that, because she didn’t want to order what he told her to, she was a selfish bitch and he would ‘fix’ her attitude later. I told my managers what I overheard, but because he didn’t do anything while in the restaurant, there really wasn’t much we could do.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.