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27 People Confess Secrets They’re Taking to The Grave

15.

All my friends think they watched me lose my virginity on my front lawn one fateful summer night when I was 13. We were actually just pretending to have sex in order to fuck with my friends. We were both too scared to actually do it. I’ve never corrected them.

16.

I was in kindergarten, probably 5 years old. And during sleeping time I asked a girl to show me her penis.

17.

I had, at the time, the freakiest buck wild sex of my life, with my best friend/roommates sister. In the middle of it, we heard someone come in. Thought it was the other roommate, nope, it was him. Proceeded to have quieter sex, thinking he would leave eventually. Nope. Marathon gaming session in the living room. Had to pull out, my car, behind the place in the alley, climb on my car and help her down from the 2nd story window. When I went back home. He asked me if his sister had come by because she left her keys in the kitchen. I said I didn’t know. He thinks the other roommate banged her. Because, well, he looks like a dude that f*cks dude’s sisters.

18.

My dad’s a National Socialist and he regularly goes to meetings, I was raised on Germanic folklore and the idea that I’m superior to others because I’m of German decent. I have plenty of Jewish and Slavish friends and I just tell them my dad died when I was younger.

19.

My first night away from my parents, in a new town for college, I was raped (also lost my virginity) by girl with a combination of severe Autism and Down syndrome. I had passed out in a bed after a party, first day of college why not celebrate right? I awoke to find myself tied up and her slamming me, I tried to fight back/throw her off but she burst my nose then choked me out. I woke up the next morning untied, covered in blood/semen and my clothes completely ripped up from scissors. Now 23, living with my girlfriend, the question obviously came up once or twice, it’s generally a funny/embarrassing story for most people, I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth. I also won’t ever let her get on top while we have sex.
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Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.