dating

27 Signs That Your Friend’s SO Has Got to Go

10.

My cousins boyfriend. We were in our mid teens, he looked 17 or 18. He was well mannered, respectful to our moms, but he seemed predatory to me. This guy set off all my danger bells. Just small things, like watching too closely to see how people reacted to him, & the way his smile never reached his eyes. I wasn’t rude, but I didn’t fawn over him either. Once he realized that I wasn’t charmed by him, he started avoiding me, telling her he didn’t feel comfortable around me, & she’d have to see him alone. Found out a few months later that he was actually in his mid twenties, & had a record for stalking & assaulting underage girls. Too bad we didn’t know this before he gave her herpes.

11.

Was best friends with a dude (I’m a lady). One weekend he invited a girl out with our group. She’s super standoffish. Won’t smile. Clearly isn’t having a good time. I try to talk to her, get to know her, but she acts like I’m not there. A month later I’m on a date & we run into them. As they are leaving they come over to say hello. I introduce my dude, the 3 of us chat for a minute while she stands there. I jokingly tug at his shirt in a “you ol’ dog” kind of way. She STORMS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. Both dudes are confused. Was not a flirty touch of any kind, more like a bro touch. Next day at work (I work with this guy), he comes up to me & says, “Hey, you can’t do stuff like that. She’s really damaged. Has jealousy issues. Doesn’t trust men.”

12.

The first time we met her was at a bar. My bf and I arrived early, so we found a scrabble board on the game shelf and started playing. When my friend and his SO got there, literally before even introducing herself, the SO looked at our scrabble board and said, “Wow that’s a lot of small words. Are you guys stupid?” My BF and I were so stunned that we kinda just ignored the comment. Was she joking??? Anyway, she (unsurprisingly) turned out to be a psychotic ultrab*tch.

13.

I knew when he started complimenting me when she’d leave the room, when he’d get handsy and creepy and overly generous in front of her and she didn’t care. Red flags. That’s when I knew he was not really as into the marriage as she portrayed, and she was keeping up appearances, secrets, in denial. Then grabbed my ass & he shoved his hand down the front of my corset in the middle of a Halloween party (he was shit face drunk) in front of his wife, my friend since 14 yrs old, who knew I was horrified because I’m super shy. She did nothing. Laughed it off. I did not laugh. He ended up cheating on her with her best friend, in her house, while she slept in the next room. And her best friend was his boss’s girlfriend, so he found out & he lost his job & house.

14.

The first time I met him was at her birthday party. He shook my hand then proceeded to try and grind on me in front of her and her family. Then when I called him out on it everyone said I was the problem and was just jealous. A year later, it turns out he had been cheating on her continuously and had gotten 2 girls pregnant while dating her.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.