humor

29 People Reveal The Dumbest Thing They’ve Done While Their Brain’s On Autopilot

21.

I accidentally shaved my beard. When I wake up in the morning I’m on autopilot until I’m out the front door, and part of my morning routine is trimming my beard. Normally the trimmer attachment for the length I like is not attached when I start using the trimmer, so the first thing I do is attach it. For some reason the day before I had left it on the trimmer, and my brain, knowing that there was a step between picking up the trimmer and turning it on, but not caring what that step is, apparently decided that I should take the attachment off before turning the damn thing on. I was two passes in before I fully woke up and realized I’d just taken a massive chunk out of my beard and there was no going back at that point.

22.

Went to wash hands before preparing food; ended up brushing my teeth.

23.

Am wildlife biologist. Trap rodents for disease research. Finished up taking a tissue sample from what felt like my 4000th mouse of the day, dropped forceps back in trap, dunked mouse in disinfectant, sat there staring blankly at the furious dripping mouse in my hand while the intern taking data looked on with no small amount of concern. (For the record, mouse was rinsed with water, dried off, and released very very grumpy but unharmed. And probably the cleanest he’s ever been)

24.

Licked a crab while looking at my ice pop.

25.

I tried to scan the bus ticket at the front door of my house to get in.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.