We all get wasted and do stupid sh*t. You've more than likely had a run in with the cops when you were drunk as hell. Hopefully that run in ended with you dragging your ass home.
But some people, when drunk, say ridiculously stupid sh*t to the police. Like, sh*t that is so f*cking stupid, that they likely got thrown in the drunk tank for public intoxication.
So if you're drunk, try and just be quiet when interacting with the police. By saying things like “I'm a tree!” and “I just have an astigmatism” you are basically wearing a sign that says “I'm drunk as hell.”
And also, maybe avoid phrases like “fonzarello” and “donut dunking communist”. Insulting a police officer is just begging to be arrested. YA'LL ARE SO F*CKING ‘TUPID.