29 Things Drunk People Should Have Never Said To Cops

We all get wasted and do stupid sh*t. You’ve more than likely had a run in with the cops when you were drunk as hell. Hopefully that run in ended with you dragging your ass home.

But some people, when drunk, say ridiculously stupid sh*t to the police. Like, sh*t that is so f*cking stupid, that they likely got thrown in the drunk tank for public intoxication.

So if you’re drunk, try and just be quiet when interacting with the police. By saying things like “I’m a tree!” and “I just have an astigmatism” you are basically wearing a sign that says “I’m drunk as hell.”

And also, maybe avoid phrases like “fonzarello” and “donut dunking communist”. Insulting a police officer is just begging to be arrested. YA’LL ARE SO F*CKING ‘TUPID.

These 29 drunk people said the most ridiculous things to the police:





Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of