Are You Dating A Woke F*ckboy?

As prevailing attitudes surrounding sex evolve, so too must we all.

Things change. Laws are enacted. Society as a whole is slowly but surely crawling towards full acceptance of the LGBTQ community, of non-cis individuals, of sexual fetishes and non-traditional forms of coupleship and love and sex.

All forms of social progress have historically been met with opposition. Jeff Sessions’ religious liberty task force is the latest iteration of this futile resistance to inevitable evolution. For this reason — this obstinate refusal to accept individual agency and social evolution — it’s difficult to do anything but laugh at Trump and Sessions and the rest of Old America. We must fight, but we must also laugh.

What’s more dangerous are those who pretend. Those who act as though they support feminism, the LGBT community, women’s rights, #MeToo, etc., not only because it’s hip to be woke, but because they stand to gain something. This manipulation of a victim’s understanding of the faux-woke as a person they can trust due to shared world visions is both calculated and nefarious.

These individuals vary in age, race, and gender, but for our purposes here today we’ll be focusing on a specific subset of the faux-woke: The Woke F*ckboy.

Not to be confused with the regular ole f*ckboy, who is as (willingly or not) transparent as the day is long, the woke f*ckboy is a manipulative wolf in sex-positive sheep’s clothing.

Whereas a regular f*ckboy openly calls sexually liberated women “sluts,” the woke f*ckboy will, at least initially, wax poetic about how important it is for women to take charge of their sexuality.

Where a regular f*ckboy refuses to go down on a woman, the woke f*ckboy will do it (unsatisfactorily), then pretend as though he doesn’t expect a standing ovation for his valiant and slobbery efforts.

The woke f*ckboy knows the proper language and behavior expected from any woke individual, and will invoke it purely for his own advantage. Are you dating a woke f*ckboy?

They make you feel bad for refusing to be as kinky as they’d like.

Kinky, much like everything else in this world, resides on a spectrum. For some, whipped cream, handcuffs, and non-missionary sex qualifies as kinky. For others, polyamory, bondage, or watching porn together is the ultimate embodiment of kink.

The woke f*ckboy will pressure you into trying something you may be uncomfortable with, then shame you for not being “more liberated” or “sexually adventurous.” Don’t fall for it. To thine own sexual self be true.

They consistently focus more on performance than on intimacy.

The central part of a woke f*ckboy’s personality rests in the ego. Their love of the self and drive towards personal gain means that sex is often a matter of appearance and image rather than emotion and connection.

This lack of true passion and vulnerability is difficult to verbalize, but it is keenly felt among those who have slept with someone they care about and during the act felt no emotional energy from the other end.

They refers to you or others with derogatory (sexual) terms.

A woke individual believes that a consensual adult can and should have sex with another consensual adult anytime they please. That the number of people an individual has sex with does not reflect on anything, constitutes nothing at all but a number.

A woke f*ckboy will pretend they are cool with the number of sexual partners the person they are dating has had, but it will be easy to see that they are lying. It’s usually difficult for the faux-woke to contain passive-aggressive (or aggressive-aggressive) commentary concerning the amount of sexual partners a woman has had, or to refrain from using terms like “slut” or “whore” when angered.

They invade your personal space in the name of “sex positivity.”

Any type of unsolicited physical interaction — especially after you’ve asked them to stop — definitely constitutes crossing a boundary. Even the most sex positive individuals have personal boundaries because it comes down to an issue of agency and respect rather than “sex positivity.”

A woke f*ckboy is unlikely to respect your personal and physical space, and will attempt to justify his infractions by making you seem unreasonable for having boundaries.

They react negatively when they aren’t given what they want.

F*ckboys by nature are not well-equipped to handle rejection or disappointment. The woke f*ckboy, which we’ve hopefully established as more manipulative and thus more insidious and rational-seeming, is also prone to react negatively to not getting what they want. They are just more wily about it.

Rather than throwing a tantrum, he may withhold love or affection or offer the cold-shoulder — all while denying to do so. He may send you on a guilt trip or cast himself as the victim of a “loveless” or “sexless” relationship.

But remember: you are allowed to think and feel and do whatever you want. Establish boundaries delineating what you are comfortable with, and don’t let some devious little turd cross them. Define what sexual liberation means for you, and don’t change that definition just because someone else has a different one. Be gentle to yourself.

Written by Texts From Last Night

Texts From Last Night is a regularly updated blog featuring funny lists, trending stories and re-posts of short text messages submitted by its users.