11. Another thing to be careful about:
I passed out at the wheel driving. Flipped my chevy cobalt 6 times or so. Fractured rib that went through my left lung and had it fill with blood; fractured skull leading to a hematoma.
Woke up at 5 am in my trashed car with blood everywhere and climbed out the window to the road where I blacked out and woke up 2 weeks later in the hospital.
Surgeon said that the only reason I survived was because of my drunkenness which helped me not tense up at the impact. That’s the start of my opiate addiction.
10. Luckily, the two remain buds to this day.
I had lost another job due to showing up late. To celebrate being fired I decided it was a good idea to go out with my friend for drinks. It was so cold that day; on the news they were warning people about exposure and frostbite within minutes.
I took the train to the north side of Chicago. We made a little journey to our favorite bar and to walk there stopped to get a drink at any bar we walked past. By the time we got there, I was pretty drunk. I blacked out. I only remember arriving there. When I woke up at 9:00AM on Tuesday, I was naked on my couch. I peed myself.
The front door of my apartment was wide open with people walking past on their way to work. When I got up I heard a clank noise. Apparently, I lost my keys and beat my door in. This snapped the door frame into pieces. One of these pieces had a long skinny nail which I had stepped onto. So I had a piece of wood attached to the bottom of my foot. I had no wallet or cell phone.
My friend called me and told me he woke up with a massive gash in his head and that so much blood had come out his head had fused to his pillow. We found out through the people at the bar and a burrito shop what had happened. Apparently we got wasted and went to a burrito place. I had no money and my friend didn’t give me money to buy a burrito. So, with my keys in my hand I hit him in the head and caused the big cut. Not having any money, I walked home through a bad area of the city.
I got robbed (I think?) because they took my wallet, keys, and coat. Apartment building security guard let me in and said I looked really cold. I had no keys so I smashed my way in, took off my clothes, and peed on my couch.
I called my dad from the apartment management office. I knew I had a real alcohol problem. It was finally undeniable.
9. Some things are hard to accept – good for you for “getting” it when you did.
Always knew I was an alcoholic, didn’t really care though. After my first DUI, still didnt get it. After a probation violation for drinking, I still didn’t get it.
Came into work smelling like alcohol because I would only take a few hour naps after drinking heavily, and sometimes before work, still didn’t get it.
Finally, one day, I was at my parents house (after calling into work) and I just started crying and said, “I want to stop but I dont know what to do, I need help”. After that I got it, I couldn’t do it alone anymore.
8. Don’t ever be afraid to get help.
It happened a few days before my well planned suicide: An archaic and irresistible instinct of survival took over (after decades of selfdestruction) and made me confess to my doctor. Sober and rocking for over three years now, and it gets better every day.
Edit: It were decades of selfdestruction, not years. (Yeah, I know, technicality. I’m german, I can’t not.)
7. A moment of clarity that may have just saved a life.
When I spent most of the night running from 9 state troopers and 2 K9 units after crashing my car and fleeing the scene on foot. This was one week after I got my license back from my previous DUI.
Upside, I managed to get away, and I only got charged with leaving the scene of an accident and damage to state property, and I haven’t had a drink in over 5yrs.
6. Your family will be thankful for your strength.
When I woke up on the bathroom floor covered in pill littered vomit. I had a husband, home, car, job, a daughter about to celebrate her 1st birthday and a death wish because I couldn’t stop drinking. I hated myself so much.
Good news: I’ve been sober 4 years.
5. Dealing with the addiction of someone you love is very hard – the fact that she stuck around means she really loves you.
Lost the love of my life. Drank way too much one day, mostly vodka and tequila (I don’t know my limit on either.) I’ve never ever been violent before. But I turned very violent (not towards her) but I was punching shit and breaking shit. She left. That minute I sobered up. Did not touch a drink for about 6 months.
Went to AA, which wasn’t for me. So, I went at it alone and tried to find myself. I had previous problems with alcohol. After my dad died around 5 years ago, I would drink all day, every day. A handle in 2 days. Almost died from alcohol poisoning. So this was another journey with my demons. It was like fighting 2 battles at once.
Then I started thinking about how much alcohol has cost me in my life and how shitty it made me. So I stopped drinking cold turkey. Luckily, for me, she came back, and we have the absolute best relationship I could ever ask for.
She’s the most amazing person. Everyone else just thought it was all fun and games, because drinking is a socially acceptable breakdown. But, she put her foot down, the only person to do so, ever.
I could never thank her enough for that. She saved my life and made my life infinitely better than anything I could ever ask for.
4. If you’ve physically hurt yourself or others, don’t be afraid to talk to someone.
I passed out on top of a space heater. I woke up the next day with a hole burned into my leg. Also, seeing (imaginary) bugs crawling over my shower curtain while going through withdrawals was a wake-up call.
3. No matter how bad things get, you can always crawl out of it.
Third day of a bender, came out of a blackout sitting in the window of my 4th story apt with my legs hanging out, looked down and saw the parking lot below come rushing up to me and heard a voice in my head shout “jump!” I don’t know how I didn’t.
Crawled back in, locked the window, went into the bathroom, locked that door and called 911. I was committed to a 72 hour psychiatric hold, followed by in-patient treatment. I began to attend a “support group” daily after I was released. I have been sober for 26 plus years.
2. If you need a drink to feel normal, it’s time to seek help.
I lost my first professional job due to poor performance (partially caused by working constantly hungover). After this, I took a bus down south to visit my girlfriend. I spent the entire visit half drunk or full drunk.
One night a drank a whole fifth of whiskey to myself. On the bus trip back, I remember during breaks and changeovers from bus to bus, I’d desperately walk down the street trying to find a bar so I could get drunk before going back on the bus. It was after the bus part that I really realized.
1. If this guy could do it, so can you.
The strange thing is all the stuff that didn’t make me realize it.
Practically raping my best friend’s girlfriend.
Almost killing a guy over two dollars in change that wasn’t even mine.
Ending up in the hospital because I thought I could fight five guys at the same time.
Speeding through downtown New Orleans at 100mph with my girlfriend, my best friend, and his girlfriend because of a dare that I couldn’t make it the entire way without stopping.
Waking up covered in my own piss and vomit.
Waking up to random women in my bed with no idea how they got there.
Getting arrested. Falling backward off a third story balcony (thankfully there was a pool below).
What FINALLY did it was waking up one morning with my car wrapped around a tree in my front yard. No idea how it happened but I guess I mistook the tree for my driveway and thought 40mph was appropriate speed to pull in. I had somehow made it in to the house, but my girlfriend was still in the car and I honestly thought I had killed her. Worst part was, my first thought wasn’t “call 911”, it was “how can I get out of this?”
Turned out she was just sleeping it off.
