Labor Day has passed us by, we’re well into September, and summer is finally dead. Now it’s nothing but a long slog of wet and weird weather until Halloween, when we can at least freeze our butts of in sexy witch costumes. Don’t despair. There is one beautiful thing about the end of summer—we can stop pretending rosé is the greatest thing ever invented. That’s right, I said it: rosé is only so-so.
We should all openly admit that rosé has been aggressively marketed to the basic amongst us for only one reason, and that reason is that it is pink. If rosé weren’t pink, you wouldn’t know a dang thing about it! Millennials love pink, they love posing, and they love captioning their pink poses with the phrase, “Rosé all day!” Well, enough. Free yourself from the Instagram trap and give serious consideration to the tastiest option around.
Make chardonnay your new drink. Here’s why.
1. It’s A Transitional Beverage
A nice white wine works in summer, early fall, and even in winter if paired with a tasty fish and some roasted veggies. Rosé is firmly associated with the hottest months of the year. it lacks versatility. You need a bottle of something that can see you through the beginning of the school year right through Thanksgiving.
2. It Goes Well With Steak
I know I mentioned fish earlier, but a buttery chardonnay can actually taste great in combination with all sorts of meats. Pop a bottle and fire up the grill. No one will stop you, because you’re a grill master. With grill mastery comes power. No one let you near the grill all summer, because of your rosé swilling. You’ll show them all! Besides, what does rosé go well with? Nothing, which is why you’ve felt sick all through August. Eat something with your wine for once.
3. Avoids Wine Teeth
A fun fact about chardonnay is that it was made popular in Burgundy in 800 A.D. by the wife of the Emperor Charlemagne, according to La Crema. She was apparently totally grossed out by the red wine staining her husband’s white beard. That’s extremely relatable. While rosé doesn’t stain like red, it’s definitely more conspicuous than chardonnay. You can pass white wine off as a spritzer or lemonade. Perfect for discretion.
4. Chardonnay Basically Supports California’s Economy
I kid—tech billionaires are doing their best to take over California’s economy, not vineyards, but Chardonnay is the backbone of the wine beast of Napa Valley. About 7,300 acres are growing Chardonnay varietals, by far the most popular grape. They need us to drink all this delicious stuff. Anyone can, and does, make rosé, because the folks gulping it down can’t tell the difference between good and bad. In Napa, they take their work seriously.
5. It’s Versatile
You might think Chardonnay is super sweet or “buttery” or heavy or whatever negative words you’ve heard it described with. But it’s actually an incredibly versatile grape that can be wildly changed depending on where it’s grown, how it’s fermented, and what kind of barrels it’s aged in. According to the Wine Guy, that buttery flavor we’re familiar with is created by through malolactic fermentation, softening the harsher acids. He writes that Chaardonnay can actually be “lean and crisp, scented with green apples and minerals” or “lush, buttery, oaky wines that taste like tropical fruits.” I let him describe it because I’m terrible at describing wine. I just drink it.
So put down the pink glass and pick up the mellow yellow one. Summer is over and so is the charade. Chardonnay all day!