21.
The guy she was banging was apparently closer to God than I was
22.
When I was in high school, I showed up at my friend’s house for a birthday party for one of my other friends and walked out back to smoke a cigarette. When I walked outside, the girl I was dating was in the pool, topless, legs wrapped around some guy, and playing tonsil hockey with him.
I alerted her to my presence, walked back inside and she followed a few minutes later.
When she came in and I asked her what was going on her response was, “Well, I called your house and nobody answered. I didn’t know where you were, figured you were out cheating on me, so, I thought I’d return the favor.”
I told her (honestly) that I hadn’t been home because my family had gone to dinner at Red Lobster to celebrate my mom’s birthday.
She apologized, I laughed, we split up…and I actually found out later I dodged a major bullet
23.
My friend from college was fooling around during a party and his girlfriend heard it was happening, so she ran to his room and nearly broke the door down. He was busted red-handed, naked with the other girl. In his drunken stupor, he grabbed his flaccid dick, waved it at his girlfriend and said, “Baby, it doesn’t mean anything to me, my dick’s not even hard!”
24.
I caught her cheating on me with someone I knew. Someone I kinda figured she was seeing behind my back and had brought it up to her before.
Her defense was accusing me of being jealous so apparently I made her do it. Me being right is somehow my fault? I just…what.
25.
“I only got with you in the first place because my dog died” wow thanks
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This.???https://t.co/6maWRH2583
— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 18, 2018
26.
When I caught him he he referred to a poem that I shared with him a few months prior. He said ” remember ‘the great, blue sky of unspecified desire’ ? Remember when I agreed with that line”?
He thought we agreed to sleep with other people…….. because poetry.
27.
“I thought you were cheating on me, so I got revenge!”
28.
“Remember when we talked about having an open relationship”
No I don’t remember that…… at all
29.
“I didn’t think you’d find out.” We had been together for 8 years, married for 3 months and had a young child together when this happened. We are no longer married.
30.
We argued that day so he slept with my (at the time) close friend