I don’t like to throw around terms like “hilarious” or “funniest” all willy nilly. I stand by my selections like a mother stands by her very large son and refuse to hear of them slandered or put down in any way. If you don’t find yourself chuckling, chortling, or cackling at any one of these tweets, then brother, I’m not sure I can help you.
1.
https://twitter.com/minnascule/status/1051483913594519552
2.
[watching porn] god I hope she is registered to vote
— atman (@AtmanDoesFood) October 11, 2018
3.
Me during a home invasion and the burglar tells me they haven’t registered to vote pic.twitter.com/nKLARcDe95
— Sofi LaLonde (@SofiLaLonde) October 19, 2018
4.
God: Noah come here
Noah: What’s the tea, sis?
God: I’m sick of all of you; I’m deleting the earth
Noah: Wig
God: You can live, though. Build a huge boat
Noah: I. Am. SHAKING!
God: And bring two of every animal with you
Noah: Weird flex but ok
— Nat Queen Coal 🪨💎 (@NatashaOladokun) October 11, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/theyearofelan/status/1051157076871770112
6.
https://twitter.com/ColeEscola/status/1051212016386535424
7.
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ONNNNNN” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.
— Felicity (@FlossAus) October 14, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/Doughbvy/status/1051932792295182336
9.
cells be like
o
fuck it
mitosis timeo
0
8
oo— logan (@laawg) October 15, 2018
10.
me transitioning from 2018 to 2019 pic.twitter.com/sxe2RAURB7
— Dorsey Shaw (@dorseyshaw) October 18, 2018
11.
https://twitter.com/kobychill/status/1053699292081385472
12.
https://twitter.com/anylaurie16/status/1053900080623706112
13.
https://twitter.com/rhollingstones/status/1053807680303841280
14.
https://twitter.com/ammazing_/status/1051877354853691398
15.
waking up and realizing you gotta get this bread for another 40 years pic.twitter.com/b6X8SOUbYY
— flowers (@somethinglovely) October 20, 2018
16.
https://twitter.com/swazikills/status/1052145341615824896
17.
https://twitter.com/seanieviola/status/803420936754130948
18.
Bartender: “leave it open?”
Me: “nah, close it”
*5min later*
— cowgiirl aquariius 🤍 (@jstradforever) October 17, 2018
19.
I’m in Target right now and I just overhead a woman tell her daughter, “Come on baby. Daddy will be home around 8:30 and we have to beat him there to hide all the clothes we are buying.” I 110% think I just saw a glimpse of my future
— Lexi Barringer (@lexi_barringer) April 6, 2018
20.
https://twitter.com/BretJett_/status/982845860395601921
21.
When the professor asks a question and you gotta act like you’re reading the board still so he doesn’t call on you pic.twitter.com/frDcWzB1y1
— soph (@sopheezus) April 5, 2018
22.
https://twitter.com/Itskarleytime/status/983174088863731712
23.
not to brag but this bird just proposed to me pic.twitter.com/ou2sqVbeBD
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 11, 2018
h/t: Buzzfeed
