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Junk Food Is Actually Hitting Men Below The Waist, If You Know What I Mean

This is not a blog that judges what people eat. Infuse your lemonade with charcoal, double-fry your burrito bowls, pour a hundred dollars worth of CBD oil on top of your sundae. Whatever makes your taste buds sing is your business. But we will present you with the facts and the facts are these: junk food is murdering your sperm.

CNN reports that a new study from Harvard is connecting declining fertility rates in cis men to lower quality diets. Or: eating junk food kills your sperm. Researchers based their findings on the semen quality of 3,000 Danish guys who submitted samples during a “compulsory military-readiness medical exam.” It’s unclear what exactly the Danish military needs their soldiers to be ready for, but this is the result.

So, who had the spunkiest spunk? Fellas who eat a balanced diet of fish, chicken, vegetables, fruit, and lots of water had the highest fertility rates.

Staying hydrated isn’t just something people remind you to do on Twitter. Make it a part of your daily routine, people!

Men with the lowest sperm count adhered to a more “Western” diet of red meat, chips and high fat foods, and their counts were between 8.86 million and 42.3 million lower than the water-swilling pescatarians. There are also some associations between fast food and infertility in women, according to a 2018 paper from Australian researchers, which indicated women who ate more fruit and less junk got pregnant faster.

Basically, eating fruits and vegetables continues to be better for your general health than french fries. Thank you, Science.

There is no guarantee of any kind of fertility treatment through food, as Professor Michael Lindemann warned CNN. Dr. Lindemann is a researcher at Michigan’s Oakland University who did not participate in the study. Though he is clear that a healthy diet is no guarantee of future offspring, he does say he’s been recommending good food to guys for years.

“Stress is harmful and vitamin or mineral deficiencies can also reduce sperm quality,” said Lindemann. “My advice to men who contact me is that a well-balanced diet which includes dairy and fresh vegetables combined with adequate sleep and exercise may improve sexual health.”

Now that you know, you can make your own decisions to suit your life. Do you want burgers every night, or diaper changing? Tough choice.