Online dating is a fickle b*tch, y'all. One minute you're chatting with a guy about the weather, the next — he's sent you a back “log” of every d*ck pic on his iPhone 5s from the last three years. You think you've found the one, but then you scroll down on her profile and see that she “doesn't do drama.” You know that every single girl that has ever said that absolutely LOVES drama. On to the next.
Sure, dudes might not get called “a fat c*nt” for turning someone down gently after conversing for less than 10 minutes, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to find a potential bae among the cesspool of crazy that runs amok on Tinder and Bumble and OKCupid. Whether it's deciphering an unbreakable emoji code of personality traits or getting carpal tunnel from swiping on every girl who claims she “probably hates you” — some online dating profiles just don't make the cut.
And not all profiles are created equal, people. If you want to give off the sense that you like to have fun, maybe don't just slap it on your profile and call it a day. Everyone like to have fun. And you're not quirky and cool and “like, so bad ;)” when you list pizza three times under your interests. Also, I wonder what goes through a woman's mind when she lists off no less than 17 requirements for dudes to fill in order to take her our for a vodka soda. The kicker? She leads with a quote about being down to earth. Bye Felicia!
Maybe I'm just jaded from all of my failed online dating attempts, but trying to curate a crazy, sexy, cool profile without being too high maintenance, too dramatic, or too annoying sounds like too much effort — on both sides. Shouts out to all the people on Tinder who are straight up about the fact that they just want to f*ck. Okay, BRB, going to listen to CrazySexyCool.
These 25 men confess their instant deal-breakers for dating women online:
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