When you’re in the mood to get down to pound town, sometimes, you’ll do just about anything to get off. Sure, you can take five and work yourself solid – but other people grave some outside, human physical contact. And, they’ll do some hella ridiculous things to get it. Just ask the people of Reddit, they’ll tell you straight up.
1. treynolds787:
Had blue balls from sleeping with but not sexing a girl i liked, went to work and jerked it in the bathroom to the picture of a crying chick on the sexual harassment awareness poster.
2. Salesman337:
Not a proud moment in my life, but at a sleepover when I was 13 I saw my friend’s older sister’s tit as she walked down the hall with her robe half open. Had to pound one out while my friend slept in right next to me (same bed). Looking back on it, I don’t think he was asleep but rather awake and paralyzed at the fact that his friend was jacking it so close to him. Had to be done tho that titty was niiiiiice.
3. the_spacehead:
I once let a girl pee in my mouth just so she would blow me on a tennis court in the middle of the night. I was 16 and out of options at 2am.
4. QueerCalamari:
Humped the shit out of a stuffed tiger whilst watching the donkey transformation scene from Pinocchio. I don’t know either.
5. jochmaro:
Searched for homemade sex toys online and tried the first one I came across, which was a sex toy made of a cantaloupe by carving a hole in it. I remember feeling a wave of nervous guilt while I was at the checkout line buying the fruit at the market, and was unable to meet the eyes of the clerk in fear he knew what I was up to (of course he probably didn’t, but horny teen me had a guilty conscience).
The instructions recommended heating it up in the microwave before use, and I remember checking it and it wasn’t too warm after 30 seconds. Repeated this multiple times until it was relatively warm (hindsight is 20/20, I should have realized the center of the melon would be hotter than the parts near the surface).
Used some cooking oil as lube, shoved my dick inside, and a second later was screaming because the center of the melon was unbelievably hot. The burn caused my skin to peel later, and I couldn’t touch my dick again for days.
