Ever feel like pool floats are just too cheery? Do you want to slap grinning flamingos and juicy, colorful fruit in their stupid float faces when you go swimming?
Don’t worry. You’ll never have to choose one of those pool toys again. The pink coffin float is here, and it’s the perfect summer accessory for the nihilist in everyone. It’s exactly what it sounds like, too: a bright pink coffin float meant to whisk you away into the pastel world of creepy cute.
It might seem like some super deep art project or a reflection on the ephemerality of life, but nope. It’s just a fun thing someone made, actually. The brainchild of Canadian designer Andrew Greenbaum, the macabre coffin float began life “three years ago,” according to Greenbaum’s Instagram post, with his pal @ian__felton. “I found someone who could make me a sample recently and pulled the trigger,” he wrote in the post. “Super hilarious project.”
It is absolutely side-splitting, and also a little unwieldy. Are you supposed to get in the coffin, float around in it, and then pull the lid over you when you’re feeling ready? Who knows? What we do know for sure is that it’s definitely a big summer mood for those of us who just aren’t feeling life these days.
Big summer mood pic.twitter.com/0RFMWaj840
— ladies pond fan account (@internetmartha) July 4, 2018
Twitter is loving the pool float, obviously.
Someone please stop me buying a coffin pool float when I have neither a pool or a holiday with a pool coming up.
— mol ? (@molticia_addams) July 5, 2018
Omg I just saw a float coffin earlier, like for swimming shsgshs
— space manny! ? (@nisesugi) July 5, 2018
To be buried in a floating coffin that says you're dead, but you're also up for a summer party, wherever you may go. https://t.co/81U4WlY5Gd
— The Blunt Bodkin (@BluntB0dkin) July 5, 2018
when it’s summer but you have depression pic.twitter.com/bmQUGqUBa4
— KT ? (@kxthleen) July 4, 2018
Need. Not cause of the depression part, just want a coffin pool float ⚰️ https://t.co/9gVAMUFc52
— Ashley Gustin (@AshleyyAnn2) July 5, 2018
Everyone can’t help but talk about how much they want one.
A COFFIN POOL FLOAT???? AND IT'S PINK??????? This is not a want but a need. https://t.co/sm6UXfhz2a
— Marissa Angel (@mahrissah_) July 4, 2018
I have never seen something I want more. A pink coffin pool float…. this is my whole being in an object https://t.co/8ett1uIrew
— SHAY BAY BAY (@shaaaychristine) July 4, 2018
Same.
The only criminal thing about this entire business, in fact, is that it’s not available for purchase at this time. But accordion to Greenbaum, that could change. He’s gauging interest via Instagram for a potential Kickstarter or “rich daddy” who might want to invest in the project.
Who knows? Maybe in a year or so, you could be floating down a lazy river in your own hot pink coffin pool float.
