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Prince Harry Wiped His Lips All Crazy After Meghan Markle Kissed Him And I’m LOSING It

Though there has been an inordinate amount of drama surrounding Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s relationship, the royal couple seems solidly in love. We know this because at his wedding, Prince Harry bit his lip during a longing glance at his wife-to-be — the universal sign of you’re-finna-get-it-tonight.

But a recent lip-related incident at the Sentebale Polo Cup may have given at least a tiny bit of credence to the rumors surrounding the royal couple; the most important of which are 1) Thomas Markle’s assertion that his daughter has been forcing a “pained smile” and is in actuality “terrified” of her stressful new life and 2) The Duchess of Sussex is a robot who can’t blink.

Let me lay the scene: Markle made a surprise appearance at the charity polo match to cheer on her husband from the royal box. The duchess then took to the stage for the presentation ceremony in order to bestow the winning trophy to Harry’s team and a big ole kiss on Harry’s lips.

At which point the prince quickly turned his head AND WIPED HIS MOUTH with the BACK OF HIS HAND, as though the kiss was sloppily planted by a smelly aunt.

I can’t look away.

It’s haunting.

What is happening? Is public mouth-to-mouth smooching forbidden by royal law? Did Meghan drool on Harry’s face when she kissed him? Was the prince merely rubbing the cold, metallic taste of her robot mouth off of his own? It’s a true mystery.

For some reason, this bears repeating: Meghan Markle is not a robot. The strongest argument against this rumor and all others (besides their being utterly batshit) is the fact that Prince Harry had nothing to gain by marrying a 36-year-old half-black divorcée, besides (probably) several hundred migraine-inducing arguments with various racist, pearl-grabbing members of the royal family (probably.) In other words, his only motivation for marrying the beautiful Meghan Markle was True Love. A real prince!!! Besides that kiss-wiping thing.

Texts From Last Night

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