12. Extreme tidiness:
The serial killer room. I went home with him for the first time to a completely blank room. No personal possessions, white bedspread and pillows. The windows had bars on them. I gave him a cool picture for his walls, didn’t get murdered, and been living together two years now. He’s just tidy.
11. Not getting along with parents:
I was always told to date a man that treats his mom right and is a “family man” because I could expect him to treat me the right way. My SO hates his mom and has always been private about his family. We celebrate 7 years together next month, and I’ve never regretted looking past the family thing.
10. Long distance:
He was in Australia. I was in America. We made it work for 5 years, happily married for 13.
9. Being with somebody else:
She lived with her ex still when we met and started dating.
8. Living a very structured life:
I thought he was too rigid the way he runs his life. He has his routines and follows a schedule for everything. 4 years and some later, as it turns out, eating home-cooked meals and going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7 every day does wonders to your health.
Edit: Just to clarify here, I originally read the thread question as “red flags to you”, hence this came up. To me at the time, it was a huge incompatibility in lifestyles and a red flag that the relationship might not work. It’s not always about the other person being crazy.
7. Avoiding their family:
She wouldn’t organise for me to meet her family. It’s 2 years in, we’re now married, and I still haven’t met them – but it’s okay. I’ve met her friends and for her they are her family, so that’s all okay in my book.
Ditto:
My husband avoided introducing me to his family too the first couple years we dated. I was mildly hurt and confused at first that he wouldn’t invite me to Christmas, but I later learned that he really liked me and he was afraid that his neurotic family would scare me away with their crazy.
I asked him to explain and he described his larger-than-life, overbearing, controlling, Narcissistic Personality Disorder grandfather whom they privately called King Henry because the man treats holiday dinners like he’s holding court and nobody is allowed to leave the table without his permission. I barked a laugh and said, “He sounds like my great-uncle! I know exactly how to handle him!” Turns out our families have the same kind of crazy. King Henry loves me.
6. A history of crazy exes:
My partner had a string of “crazy ex girlfriends” which is usually a massive red flag. Turns out he has really low self esteem and ended up with these awful girls because he didn’t think he deserved any better.
He’d keep trying to work on the relationship waaaay beyond the point most people would bail – after them gaslighting, cheating, burning his belongings, etc. I’m so glad I ignored that red flag! He’s the sweetest guy and their crazy was completely not his fault, beyond poor judgement dating them in the first place lol.
5. Food preferences:
She doesn’t like pancakes.
It is still annoying, and she says I should just make them for myself but I’m like… how am I gonna make pancakes for one person?
Gawd. She is super great tho. So I’m over it.
4. Being too sensitive:
I thought she was too sensitive (especially since I’m the complete opposite of that). She brings joy and excitement to my life and I wouldn’t change a thing now.
3. Or the opposite:
Exactly the same for me but the opposite – I’m the emotional one. Was worried he was dispassionate and bored by life, and that me as someone very emotional and excitable would tire of his ‘meh’ attitude to life.
Turns out he brings me the stability I’m unable to provide myself, and I bring him the wonder he was missing. Our attitude is very much that we are a perfect couple because we are so different – no point both of us bringing the same thing to the table!
Between us we’re practically superman so as a team we can do anything 🙂
2. Coming on too strong:
My boyfriend came on to me really fast and strong which I’ve always been told was a red flag. Asked me out 3 days after meeting me, told me he loved me a week later, wanted to get married after 4 months. Turns out whirlwind romances do exist because we’re perfect for each other and still going strong 5 years later.
1. And, finally, this:
Bit of a twist in that I was the partner with all the red flags. My now-husband was pretty against dating someone with mental health issues when we started going out, due to bad past experiences. I’ve got bi polar disorder and a history of abuse that left me with a screwed up relationship with sex. In retrospect, I was the opposite of what he was looking for.
But he stayed because he realised I was working my tits off to get better and hes still amazed at the progress I’ve made. I think he realised that mental illness and trauma are not necessarily red flags if the person with them isn’t using you as a crutch.
