Relationships

These Sex Shop Employees Spilled The Tea About Their Craziest Customers (25 Stories)

16.

Had a guy come in and try to buy underage porn from me. He was certain I had “the good stuff” behind the counter. When I told him it was illegal and I wanted him to leave he started browsing, asking if we carried any gay porn where the guys looked really REALLY young. I called the police and they arrived while he was still browsing and arrested him. Turns out he was a registered sex offender.

17.

Countless people cumming all over the jack-sheds. It got to the point where if anyone asked for change for the booth I would offer them some paper towels and ask them not to spray everywhere. It never worked, they sprayed their spunk everywhere.

18.

A woman came in and complained for about 10 minutes because she had bought some cinnamon flavored lube and now complained that she put it on her ass during anal sex and caused her to have an “inflamed’ asshole. She wanted me to give her $500 for pain and suffering. She even felt the need to lift her skirt, drop her panties and show me said asshole. I told her to come back when the owner was here. She bitched that she couldn’t even sit down.

19.

I was 19 and worked at this shack looking sex shop. Sketch central of town and if I didn’t get free shit and paid to be there I wouldn’t be. One evening I’m working with my buddy and I can here him talking to a familiar voice. It was a voice I tried recalling but all I could recall was that it was someone of influence to me. Well I automatically hide thinking it might be my dad and well… it wasn’t. It was my youth pastor from church. We locked eyes, my stomach drops, he goes pale and nope’d the fuck out.

20.

Dude comes in drunk. We chat for a while, where he works, etc. Then grabs product and bolts. Except I knew where he worked. Probably a weird one for him when the popo showed up at his job for stealing dildos.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.