When it comes to parenting, not everyone always sees eye-to-eye on how they want to raise their kids. And, it happens far too often that mothers and fathers blame each other for the failures they face as parents.
No matter what happens in your life and where you end up, one thing is for sure–it’s not fair to force anyone into having children if they are not ready/do not want kids. If you so happen to be with someone who doesn’t want kids/isn’t ready and you are–leave the relationship and find someone who is ready or someone who wants the same things as you. If you trap someone into becoming a parent with you before they’re ready, you can’t be angry when things don’t go as you had truly hoped.
Someone should tell this Reddit user my solid, insightful advice because he clearly needs it. The single dad posted a rundown of the situation he is currently in, asking for some heartfelt advice. However, I don’t think he expected the entire Internet to side with the mother of his child, over him.
[NM] I got a girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion but I didn’t want that. She ended up not getting one but now she is not involved at all.
We weren’t in a serious relationship when she got pregnant. She has never met our son. Even after the birth she had no desire to see him. We went to court to figure custody and support could be figured out and I have 100% full legal and physical custody. Her name is on the birth certificate but she has no custody and no right to visitation or to make things like medical or education decisions. She didn’t want any of that. Every month she pays 125% of the court ordered child support. She says that if I ever marry someone who wants to adopt him she will agree but until then she’ll pay support. It’s been this way since our son was born.
I’m raising our son all on my own. He is 18 months old now and he has never met her and I don’t even have any photos of her even. I am burned out and hate being a single parent. I love my son but I resent him. My family tries to help when they can but I do it most of the time. I would never hurt or neglect him but I am exhausted all the time. I tried to go to court to give her split custody but because she wanted an abortion and I didn’t and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth, and because we went to court when he was 6 months old but because we already went after he was born and agreed on things and now she pays more support than is court ordered the judge said he can’t force her to look after him. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and the last I heard she has a tummy tuck and laser stretch marks treatment and is working at a gym. She also told her friends and family she is an egg donor and not a mother. She is a deadbeat mom and the court won’t do anything and is forcing me to struggle as a single parent. Do I have any legal remedies here?
Clearly, this woman is doing her job as a mother. She made it clear she didn’t want a child by asking to have an abortion, but, the father wanted to have the son. She is, still even though she did not want the child, paying child support for the father and son. However, he’s blaming her for not being involved in her son’s life, when she made it inherently clear she did not want a role in his life. She did absolutely everything they had originally agreed to, but now that he realizes how hard parenting is–he’s angry and wants sympathy.
People on Reddit wholeheartedly agree that it’s not the mom’s fault at all.
So let me get this straight. You resent the child you forced someone else to bring in to the world under the condition that you be the sole caregiver? You want to force someone who DOES NOT WANT anything to do with this child to share caretaking? First off, why would you want to damage your child like that by forcing them to spend time with someone who wants nothing to do with them. That doesn’t make you a very good father at all. Second, why are you calling her a deadbeat? How can you call someone you forced to give birth, under the condition that she has nothing to do with the child, a deadbeat when she pays MORE than the required child support? And third, no. The courts will not force someone who wants nothing to do with a child to take care of them other than financially, because that could endanger the child.
I’d say she’s a good mom. She was clear what her terms were for having the child that she didn’t want. You agreed to those terms. She’s paying child support and by what you’re saying, she is paying more than she has to. Out of the two of you, she is the one who has the kid’s best interests at heart. You either need to do your part like you agreed on or give the kid up for adoption and put all three of you out of your misery. Because she wanted to abort the child, only kept it because of your insistence and is doing the share of the work that was agreed on, I really don’t think that you have a leg to stand on, legally speaking. I’m sorry that you’re not finding parenthood to be the fairytale dreamland that you thought it would be, but it was your choice and you have to live with it.
Your legal power against her is restricted to making her pay child support, which she does. You can’t force her to actually parent.
You can look into adoption, if parenthood is not right for you.
Any legal remedies for what?
She is not a deadbeat. Deadbeats don’t pay 125% of child support.
Congratulations, you now know what life looks like for most single mothers. Grow up, you entitled twit.
As a woman, the most offensive thing OP has said is “I thought she’d bond with the kid!” Yeah , and fairies will fly and unicorns will fart rainbows!
I’ve been childfree all my life and I’ve taken steps to ensure I fever had kids. Guess what? I’ve never changed my mind. It’s called being an adult and taking responsibility for my decisions, something you seem unable to do.
Interesting. So the fact that she suffered through the agony of pregnancy (I myself am 7 months pregnant-it’s agony) but that wasn’t enough, you want to force her to take care of a child she didn’t want at all. Make sure to add insult to injury. Nice. Sorry your plan didn’t work out and your extremely generous offer of being in a relationship with her wasn’t appealing enough. You seem like a catch… Not.
Maybe you should consider the way this feels when women are fighting for the right to choose… The fact that so many women are in the same position as you because dads bail all.of.the.time (more than moms) should really provide a different perspective on abortion. Boo fucking hoo you got the shitty end of the stick and have to do this all alone… Just like millions of single moms do everyday. Sorry no sympathy for you but I’m loving the karma!
We want to know–whose side are you on?