in humor 14 Euphemisms for Masturbation That Might Be A Little TOO Creative by Mary McCaw September 2, 2016, 12:00 pm 4. Milking the lizard. Image via Giphy 5. Greasing the wand. Image via Giphy 6. Jackin’ the beanstalk. Image via Blogspot Childhood ruined. Written by Mary McCaw Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.