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The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

13.

I woke up to his CRAZY female roommate vaccuming the hallway outside of his room for over an hour, banging the vaccuum into his door over and over again. I guess she was trying to wake us up so i would leave, but we ended up just waking up and having sex while she was vaccuuming.

14.

Got insanely drunk at a hipster bar & met this cute little pixie chick. We went back to place, double-back-beasted it, & passed out on her bed. Or what I thought was her bed. When I awoke the next morning, it became abundantly clear that she had absolutely no furniture in her room. Every “surface” (this includes bed & makeshift desk), was comprised solely of dirty clothes. Literal mountains of them. It didn’t smell TOO bad, considering, but still wasn’t pleasant. I sneaked out while she was burrowing deeper into the bed-pile.

15.

Her kid ran into the bed around 3am because he had a bad dream. Chick was on the wall side of the bed so I had to pick him up and carry him across me to her. The look on the kid was priceless. The next morning, the chick/mother decided to ride me while her kid was sleeping next to us….. Had to leave right after and that was the end of that.

16.

I wake up to him saying “sh*t!! My dad wasn’t supposed to come home so early”. He tells me to jump in his closet (I’m fully nude & my clothes are in the living room). I start to argue but he insists & so I get in there & hear them having small talk for almost an hour. I realize I really have to pee, & they just drag on & I’m dancing around. And then the guy I slept with left for work!!!! And I can hear the dad making breakfast & just settling in. I panic, how am I gonna get my clothes? F*ck my clothes, I’ll use his clothes, so I take the stuff in the closet all I found were shirts. I f*cking ran for my life full speed through the house with sex hair & a long shirt to my car. The dad yelled “what the hell who are you!?!”

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Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.