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The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

17.

She woke up and said she wanted to marry me and have kids.

18.

I met some guy at a party & went back to his room & talked until 4 AM. One of the topics was sexual fantasies. We shared ours (his, no surprise, being 2 girls at once; mine being some light bondage). We had sex. He wanted to tie me up but I felt uncomfortable since I didn’t know him. In the morning, I walked back to my dorm & slept off the rest of the morning. Later in the day, that guy’s dorm was having a BBQ so I walked back over there with a friend. When I walked in, EVERY SINGLE GUY there put up his arms crossed at the wrist in a bondage position & started laughing at me. I was completely mortified. Walked home with my friend so freaking confused why this guy would immediately tell everyone our pillow talk.

19.

Woke up to the girl saying, “You need to leave, right now.” When I flashed a confused face, she showed me her phone and said, “My boyfriend just sent me this.” I looked at her phone and saw her boyfriend had sent her a picture of the two of us, lying in bed asleep next to one another, taken from the doorway of her room. Needless to say, I got the f*ck out of there quick.

20.

She left quietly in the morning & I was too hungover to move. I couldn’t tell you what she looked like, let alone her name. Eventually I needed to take a leak so I get up, naked & hungover. I see a used condom on the carpet but the condom is twitching slightly. My vision is blurry from still being drunk so I stare, trying to figure out if the condom is really moving. Then I see what look like two hairs poking out over the condom. These ‘hairs’ keep moving towards me. Then I see it’s ugly little head. A cockroach was prodding around in my cum inside a used condom on my floor. My wardrobe has mirrors on the doors & I could see my reflection complete with the roach/condom combo & my exhausted, hungover, zombie-looking self.

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Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.