6. Mystery Punch
How does it feel to be the human equivalent of a dumpster? I mean, not only is mystery punch made in (undoubtedly previously used) trash cans, it has no set recipe. It’s not against the rules to put anything in there.
Basically, you’re a hot mess, minus the hot. No stranger to puking, blackouts, or spending the night in the drunk tank, you go from zero to sixty faster than a Ferrari.
If by some miracle you manage to survive past the age of 30, you’ll have a hell of a story to tell, and your kids will never be able to pull ANYTHING over on you. But that’s a big if.
Some people think you’re a snob, but you know you’re just discerning.
And even if you can’t taste the difference between cheap whiskey and the premium single-malt you insist on shelling out for, just knowing you’re drinking the best has a huge impact on your enjoyment.
You waste a lot of time (and money) trying to do things the ‘right’ way… whatever that means.
If you said you’d never stood in front of the mirror pretending to be Michael Fassbender, you’re lying and we both know it. So just stop.