These 27 Drugged Out Patients Said The Most Ridiculous Things

7.

On Dilaudid: I called my husband from the ER once rambling about how totally amazing it was that we have fingers- “They’re so helpful, and they’re like, always there! They’re like little friends that you get to carry around with you everywhere.” It didn’t take him too long to figure out they had me high as a kite but he was super confused at first.

8.

I got my wisdom teeth out. Had an IV, for the first time, I was 16 y/o. All I remember was feeling GREAT, I mean seriously amazing. When I sorta came too, I remember asking how much longer til it’s over. And they said “we’re done!” The nurse brought me out to the car with my parents, and helped me out to the car. And on the car ride home I asked “why the nurse was so friendly?” My parents told me that I confessed my love for short haired brunettes, and that she would be my wife because “she was perfect” and “I loved her.”

9.

I had a lump removed from my boob a few years ago. The table they had me on was shaped like a T, so my arms were outstretched. As I was passing out, I said to the nurses, ” I feel like Jesus.” They had to tell me about it when I awoke.

10.

I had jaw surgery last year and started to get really scared as I sat in my hospital bed waiting to be wheeled into surgery. My mom was with me and I told her how much I wished my dog was there because snuggling her always makes me feel better. I guess having my dog on my mind turned into some weird thoughts once they gave me drugs because apparently I started crying out of the fear that they were going to give me dog teeth.

11.

I sang ‘you are my sunshine’ at the top of my lungs while being wheeled into the recovery room after my knee surgery. My dad, along with my (now ex) husband could hear me clear across the other end of the hallway, even through the snickers and giggles of the nurses. The surgeon still calls me sunshine when we see each other around town.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.