15 Things We Wish Guys Knew About Blowjobs

When a girl is trying to please a guy, oral sex is definitely on the top of the list. Not only do we know that he enjoys it, but we know that inevitably it’ll get him off (if you’re good at it). But, no matter how many blowies we’ve given in our lifetime–there are some thoughts we have on a reoccurring basis.
At the end of the day, straight, cis guys know how it feels to receive a blowjob, but not how it feels to give one. For many of us ladies, there are some things we just wish a guy would understand about giving head to make our lives a bit better (and make giving oral more comfortable).

15. Manscaping matters when we’re doing work down there.

Now, we’re not saying that you need to completely shave your pubes off altogether (in fact, we don’t want to feel like we’re blowing a newborn child). But, trimming your bush is incredibly helpful for a number of reasons. We don’t want to have to weed-wack through the forest to get to your shaft. Additionally, it’s utterly disgusting when your 8-inch pube gets lodged into our throat. Please for the love of God, get some scissors.

14. Pushing a woman’s head down is a no-no.

We understand that you want us to go deeper, and we will. But, pushing down a girl’s head while she’s in the middle of giving oral makes us feel disrespected and as though you’re forcing us to do it–it’s an instant mood killer. I have a handful of friends who say that’s a dealbreaker for them in the bedroom (and, some who have completely stopped in the middle of doing it). Respect a woman’s boundaries and don’t disrespect them.

13. Let us know when you’re enjoying it.

If we’re doing something you like, speak the f**k up. How are we supposed to know to continue something if you don’t say anything? And, no one wants to be blowing a dead fish. If you don’t make any sounds–or say anything–we’re pretty unsure what you like/don’t like.

12. And, a little feedback goes a long way.

Even if it wasn’t the blowjob of the century, letting us know what you’re into helps both of us in the long run. Not only will it get you what you want, but it’ll prevent us from wasting our time doing things that are annoying–and that you don’t like.

11. We can tell when you haven’t showered.

If your woman is kind enough to go down on you, be kind enough to shower beforehand. Of course, there are those moments of unexpected bedroom play where you haven’t showered yet because–well, you didn’t anticipate the fun. In that case, be honest with your woman and tell her that you haven’t showered. Do you know how disgusting it is to be slapped in the taste buds with an unwashed d*ck?

10. When you do shower, use soap.

It’s not only important to clean your shaft, but you need to focus on your balls (and your nacho/butt). All of the bottom areas of your body are going to be straight up in our nostrils, so not scrubbing or using soap is going to basically force us to smell rotten bootyhole and sweat for a good 10 minutes. Not cool.

9. Size really doesn’t matter to us when we’re giving oral.

When a woman is giving a blowjob, she really doesn’t care how big your d*ck is–unless, it’s so big that it hurts to even try to fit it in our mouths. All in all, size matters more to women during sex–and, even then, there are tons of ways to get everyone to the place they want without having to make anyone feel bad or insecure. Many times, a guy cares more about the size of their junk than the woman. Relax.

8. Giving us a bit of a warning is appreciated, always.

When you’re going to burst, let a girl know. Not only does it help us prepare, but it helps prevent a mess/a surprise. No girl wants to be hit with a load before they’re ready or prepared (plus, we have a ton of tips and tricks when it comes to finishing you, so you might want to check those out).

7. Not every girl swallows.

Some guys have a myth that a true blowjob is only complete when a woman swallows. But, not every woman is down to swallow and if they aren’t, you shouldn’t pressure her into doing it. Giving a blowjob, swallowing, or anything else is the woman’s choice–and, you damn well better respect that.

6. 69’s seem fun until you’re actually doing it.

Everyone loves to suggest getting into the iconic 69 position, but we promise you that your blowjob will be pretty shotty if we do it. Not only is it messy, uncomfortable, and a bit difficult to hold ourselves up to get a good angle on your shaft–but it’s hard to concentrate on pleasuring you when you’re in the middle of giving it to us. Sorry.

5. Yelling at a girl for stopping for a second is not cool dude.

We understand that stopping interferes with your mojo and whatnot, but not every woman can hold their breath for so long. Giving head requires a lot from your girl and if she wants to stop for a few seconds to grab some air–don’t yell at her. That’s not only rude, it’s disrespectful and dehumanizes your partner. Let her catch her breath, you jerk.

4. No girl wants to get a facial.

Despite what you see in porn, no girl enjoys getting jizz on her face. Actually, I’ve never met a woman in my entire life that enjoys it. Sure, you may have wet dreams about doing it, but it’s not doing to happen. And, if you’re the kind of guy who thinks it’ll be fine to do it without asking or letting a girl know–you can be damn sure that’ll be the last blowjob you receive from her, promise.

3. We don’t purposely use teeth.

Guys love to complain when a girl accidentally brushes her teeth up on their shaft–dude, we get it, it hurts. It’s never on purpose and a lot of time, it’s because we’re in an uncomfortable position or because it’s taking a lot longer than we expected and we get a bit lazy. It’s cool if you say “hey, that hurts,” but to yell at a girl and demean her for making a slip up is rude, rude, rude.

2. Being on our knees for an extended period of time hurts.

We get that sometimes it feels better to stand up while receiving, but you should understand that being on our knees for too long really does hurt (and sometimes leaves marks). While we’re compromising to do it for a little, you should compromise and switch positions back to the bed for the grand finale.

1. Just because we’re on our periods doesn’t mean it’s “blow job week.”

Some guys aren’t into having sex when a girl is on her period–okay. But, that doesn’t automatically mean that we have to give you head because we’re “out of commission” for a week or so. If you don’t want to play around when Mother Nature’s around, that’s on you. Not all women are down to please you without a little bit of somethin’, somethin’ in return–so don’t be selfish.

Written by Texts From Last Night

Texts From Last Night is a regularly updated blog featuring funny lists, trending stories and re-posts of short text messages submitted by its users.