This is How Alcohol Should Really Be Labeled

In a world of deceitful advertising and easily persuaded millennials (i.e. you), it would be great if labels became a little more honest and told the truth about what was going to happen post-consumption. You could of course argue that drinking too much is an user error, easily avoided and totally voluntary, but where’s the fun in that? We’d much rather have it thrown in our face via the label than thrown in our face the next morning (or both, if it happens that we still haven’t changed our ways).

See below for some great, brutally honest alcohol labels worthy of the switch. This is what really goes down when you down the whole bottle. Presumably not your finest moment. We’ve all been there.

Here's what 15 of your favorite boozy beverages would say on the label if they were honest.


1. Fireball: The syrup of whiskeys.


Quite a dangerous road to venture down; you take one of these bad boys in a shot, realize it tastes more like cinnamon-flavored molasses than actual alcohol, and suddenly muster up the audacity to do 10 more. Bad idea.


2. Vodka: If you’re a female ever in need of new besties en route to the restroom, this guy will do the trick.


All of a sudden you’re surrounded by a slew of ladies full of compliments to give you and promises that more shots will be had. BFFS unite!


3. Wine: For the “quiet night in turned cry fest.”


We’ve all had one of those nights (or a few) where the vino just magically disappeared from our glass and all of a sudden the whole bottle is gone. Not to worry, we have another! Wine is our best friend and it will always be there for us, no matter how shitty our exes are. (Right?! Right?!)

Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.