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This is How Alcohol Should Really Be Labeled

4. Tequila: A no-fail if you’d prefer not to remember a single thing that happens tonight and regret 100% of whatever did.

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Great with salt and a lime wedge, terrible if you happen to run into said ex or any other human that looks mildly attractive and digs the drunken stupor look you’ve got going.

 

5. Jägermeister: A lovely concoction of syrup, herbs and spices that could either ruin your night or turn you into a sexy dancing machine.

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Apparently it’s the Liquid Crack of liquor (according to Urban Dictionary) but we prefer to leave this one alone. God bless you, people who drink this shit. You need it.

 

6. Whiskey: What was once an old man’s classy standby has now turned into the perfect component for a beer n’ shot combo.

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We love whiskey on the rocks, but a Jack and Coke for those of you who are less badass works, too. Kidding…but let’s be real: It doesn’t get more embarrassing than when we start hitting up ex-lovers. Whiskey will do that to you. Resist, we say, resist! You’ll thank us later.

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Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.