This is How Alcohol Should Really Be Labeled

7. Coconut Rum: For the love of all actual alcohol, stay away from this shit.


Though your tween self may have loved its syrupy taste, reminiscent of the Sonic Slush you had everyday after 6th period, you are now a full-grown adult. Say goodbye to your high school companion. There are so many good liquors out there with so many terrible consequences… It’s time.


8.  Everclear: AKA amnesia in a glass. 352eb2e161334fc742df94decf35ff2a

Beware the siren call of 151, ladies and gents. This one has both the most honest and the most misleading name already – because while the proof is right there in your face, the name ‘everclear’ makes it sound like you might actually remember something, you know, clearly. Which you wont.


9. Top Shelf Whiskey: the rich man’s way of silently saying “I’m better than you”.


Is it possible to sip on overpriced whiskey without A) feeling like Don Draper, or B) smoking a cigar? No. We think not.


Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.