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This Viral Story About Accidental Anal Has Twitter Straight Hollering

The Butt has gotten a lot of media play (ha ha) in recent years. Who could forget how The Rim Job was blasted into popular media with Jhene Aiko’s infamous line on Omarion’s “Post To Be” back in 2014?

However, despite the millennial generations’ wokeness about and towards butt stuff, there still seem to be plenty of misconception and confusion surrounding anal sex. This is demonstrated ideally by the following story, in which one poor soul truly thought his penis, accidentally inserted into a butthole, caused the immediate and untimely death of his then-girlfriend.

But the story, told via screencaps on a now-viral tweet by Twitter user @_rhiitha, must simply be read to be fully appreciated. Without further ado…

“Did I ever tell you guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick???” asks OP, which appears to be a Tumblr user with the handle ‘theyellowbrickroad.’ OP proceeds to explain:

“Ok so picture this I’m 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this:”

OP explains how in the middle of a very wet coitus, her ex, upon re-entrance, accidentally slips into the wrong hole. Naturally, this is an uncomfortable situation for anyone—but especially for our protagonist, who describes herself as “a chronic fainter.”

Understandably, a penis thrusting full speed into an unlubricated butthole was enough to cause OP to pass out.

OP’s ex thinks she is being “emotional” (dramatic?) when she warns him. She isn’t. “I faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground,” she writes.

Since the dude has never seen anyone faint in real life, he simply assumes OP has perished, ravaged by his straying baloney pony.

“Like this motherf*cker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex,” she ends her tale. The story clearly resonated with many, racking up over 195,000 likes and nearly 75,000 retweets in less than two days’ time. It was followed up by this poll asking Twitter whomst had ever passed out during “tlep tlep.”

Though some imagined several dark scenarios OP may have woken up to…

…Others just enjoyed the raunchy story for its hysterical plot points and delivery.

A good lesson to all the fellas out there: If your partner passes out during tlep-tlep, check for a heartbeat before you throw that body into a shallow grave.

Texts From Last Night

Written by Texts From Last Night

Remember that text you shouldn't have sent last night? We do.