Alright ladies, let’s put it out there in the open – penises are weird. I seriously had no clue what to do when I encountered my first penis. I think it was a blowjob or was it a handjob? I can’t remember since it was so long ago and I’ve encountered my fair share of dicks since then.
Big dicks, small dicks, sideways dicks. I’ve seen them all.
Anyway, I just remember that it was awkward AF and I had no clue what to do with it.
That’s probably the story for most ladies but some situations are far worse than others, I’m sure. I’ve come across that super hot guy that can’t keep it hard once a condom is within reach. Ugh, no way dude, get outta here with that bullsh*t. It’s annoying when guys try to pull that stunt.
Some times, penis encounters aren’t even sexual and that’s probably where they get the most uncomfortable. If a penis is out during a non-sexual situation and it was unwarranted, then hell, there’s sure to be some weird glances between the two of you or whoever is involved.
These 27 women share the most cringeworthy experiences they’ve had with a penis:
1.
Once I had relations with a guy who had a prince albert, but I didn’t know it at the time and when things got down and dirty he didn’t have the piercing in so when it came time for him to… you know.. it went off in two different directions, one of which was in my eye.
2.
When a BJ turned into my jaw becoming locked open and having to go to the ER because of that. I was in college at the time, and my parents footed the bill. I will never tell them what it was for.
3.
The first time I ever saw a penis or attempted to give a blow job, I was with my high school boyfriend. This was also his first time receiving a blow job, so as I inched towards his dick with my mouth wide open, he came all over my face. I hadn’t even made mouth-to-penis contact yet.
4.
One time after sex I started to get an extremely painful abdominal cramp. It was worse than any of my period cramps had ever been in my life. For a while I was just writhing in pain on the bed completely naked not really understanding what was going on, and he had no idea what to do. At one point I ended up crawling naked to the bathroom because I thought I might vomit. Finally he decided to WebMD it and the most logical explanation was blunt trauma to the cervix.
Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.
