dating

29 Women Admit Cringeworthy Encounters with a Penis

13.

The first time I met with an uncircumcised penis. It wasn’t fully up, and I made the mistake of assuming I could just go down on it like with a circumcised one, and didn’t bother to pull the skin back. First off, that wash the squishiest experience of my life. Second, it was the opposite of fun for him, and counterproductive. It killed the mood completely, me sucking on his extra skin a little too enthusiastically.

14.

While my very first boyfriend in high school and I were fooling around, he unzipped his pants, my eyes went wide (my very first time seeing a penis)…and my mom walked into the room. I grabbed the nearest pillow, threw it over his bare penis and — to this day I will never know why — slammed down my fist. My mom asked, “Watching anything good?” and I responded, “These people on Judge Judy are ridiculous!” and he just nodded, groaned, as my mom smiled and disappeared.

15.

Met a guy online. REALLY handsome. Funny. Talked for a few nights, and then drove up to meet him for dinner (about a 2-hour drive). He takes me to a local Italian joint (known for its mobsters) and proceeds to tell me he used to be in the mafia. Wasn’t surprised – he was pretty big, strong, and SUPER handsome Italian. Pretty decent date. Until we get back to his place. Sweeney Todd blasting through his stereo, he proceeds to ignore my decision to go home. He starts dancing me around the room, singing selections from Sweeney Todd at the top of his voice. Eventually, he kind of pushes me against the wall and unzips his pants – at this point I’m getting REALLY scared. Shoves his penis in my hand, and it is – I kid you not – no bigger than my thumb. Erect. Maybe not a micropenis, but close. I burst out laughing, probably a result of fear, adrenaline, and confusion, and he runs to the bathroom crying. Grabbed the keys. Left while he was still in the bathroom. Never heard from him again.

16.

The one bathroom we had in our cafeteria was unisex. I go to use the bathroom, open the UNLOCKED door and there’s my friend shaking his penis in the urinal. He just looked me straight in the eyes and said “Hey _____, what’s up?”

17.

When I saw it move. For some reason it never f*cking occurred to me that they did.

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.