dating

29 Women Admit Cringeworthy Encounters with a Penis

TFLN

23.

I was examining a patient when I worked on the peds floor as a nurses assistant. 10 year old boy, I’m emptying his piss bag (he had a catheter, awesome job right?) Anyways, it was night and he freaked out and jumped out of bed…I froze and held onto the bag…that was attached to his dick a little too long. I’ve never felt so horrible in my life.

24.

When I was 16 and trying to have sex for the first time with my then 16-year-old boyfriend, we didn’t have condoms readily available. Since my parents were coming home soon, we grabbed the closest thing available that we thought had the same functions as a condom… a latex glove. I don’t know what I was thinking… maybe I believed we could have jammed his junk into a glove finger or something but what ended up happening was that glove fit loosely other his wiener and looked exactly like a turkey waddle jiggling on his jibblies.

25.

I was babysitting a three year old, and in the bathroom he asked for help zipping up his jeans. I did like i do my own pants- grip the fly with one hand and yank with the other- only I grabbed the poor little kids penis through the jeans. He was so shocked/hurt that he didn’t speak, so I didn’t know that I was hurting him- he just had the most horrified look on his face. Finally he said “Why… Why did you DO that?!” I felt SO bad

26.

Shared an awkward penis with my mum once. No, wait, let me explain. I threw my mum a huge birthday party and invited everyone she knew. Still early and with not many drunk yet, my mum had to go to the toilet aaaand. Penis. The door was open and standing inside was our weird neighbour Gustav leering at her, dong in hand. As she’s standing there a bit perplexed I come over. I look at her. I look at penis. My mother breaks the silence by saying “Don’t forget to wash your hands” and we poker faced it away from there.

27.

I was on a third date with some guy, and he asks me “are you one of those classy chicks that doesn’t suck d*ck?” and I said, “um, I guess not…?” And when I did…he. f*cking. farted. I could have gotten pink-eye!

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.