As a vagina wielding human being, I can only take from my own experiences of hardship with my genitals. Periods suck, I try not to get pregnant each month, and there’s generally just a lot of behind the scenes things happening with my gooch at all times. So having a penis sounds pretty chill and low maintenance, honestly. And it’s especially nice when it comes with all the perks of the patriarchy, hoorah!
But after coming across one faithful reddit thread, it seems as though I mistook the grave danger that comes with having a d*ck. I’m talking about the brave dudes from across the world who slipped out of their lovers’ vaginas while they were bouncing away on top. I’m talking about the doggy-style gone wrong. I’m talking about all of the d*cks that were literally bent in 90 degree angles while they were just trying to bust a nut. Yes, these are the men who have broken their peens.
While trying to imagine the blood and gore and bruising and sobbing that comes with breaking a d*ck, I can only wonder what their lovers thought when they heard the bone-chilling snap of cock. So take head when vigorously f*cking your girlfriend tonight — because you’re just one miscalculated thrust away from an emergency room visit where they have to sew your d*ck back together. Good luck.
These 19 stories about broken d*cks will make you cringe:
1.
My girlfriend at the time was on top. She was particularly awful at being on top and would pull my dick out ever 4-5 thrusts. On one of these occasions my dick pulled out just a little bit, but didn’t flop down in time for her to come crashing down on my pelvis. Since it didn’t flop down, it got caught kind of in the crook of her thigh/pelvic area and when she came down it bent my penis directly in half. While fully erect, my penis head touched the base of my penis and balls.
2.
A guy I went to highschool with, quite a heavy and unhealthy guy, was having sex with a pretty huge chick. She was on top bouncing up and down, when she went up a little to far and then came down hard. The guy essentially stubbed his dick on her gooch and he heard a loud crack and looked down to see his dick was bent in half. He then had a heart attack and went to the hospital.
3.
Well not my penis but my scrotum. I was in 6th grade and at the time afraid of dogs. I was in my friends back yard and his neighbors dog gets into his yard somehow. In a panic I ran to the fence and attempted to jump it. Then it happened, the unthinkable. I snagged my balls on that fence. So about a minute later I notice my pants are wet. I thought I had pissed my pants. So run into my friends bathroom. Then I was traumatized by my balls being covered in blood and I could see one of my testicles. I start screaming “Nick my balls are bleeding!” Of course his parents aren’t home and I lived a block away. After a few minutes of calling our parents and nobody answering he calls 911 and I go in an ambulance to the ER. My dad came into the hospital with a look of confusion and laughter. I had to get my scrotum sealed up with this weird glue shit.
4.
My girlfriend and I were going at it, and we both moved in a way suddenly so that I slid out and hit her thigh straight on rather quickly. Didn’t hear a snap, but I felt it. I’m instantly limp, but not in any discernible pain. After two weeks of not being able to get an erection, I go to student health. They don’t have the resources, so they send me to this creepy old doctor who asks me detailed questions about what happens when I “toss my cookies.”
Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
